Life is all about transitions. We move and glide through this world in a constant state of wonder. Our wonderings are often consumed by what's next on our horizon as we glance, glance, and glance once more into our rearview mirror to check out where we have come from. It's in this process of wonderment that we can choose two courses. One: Fear. Two: Trust. As Frost once roughly said, "I chose the later and it has made all the difference".
In 2012, I embarked on a journey of Fear 2 Freedom, a new state, a new job, a foreign coastal town, an unknown community, the quintessential "big" adventure. I took this next stepping stone with large expectations, not knowing what the outcome might be. Would I even last six months?
Two years later, here I am. A hundred wonderful, crazy, joyful, crucible experiences are behind me and now I am transitioning once more. After all my wanderings, after all my wonderings, I am finally going home.
If you told me three and half years ago that my heart, that every inch of my soul, was waiting in anticipation to return to the place where I grew up, the place where so much of Authentically Me was shaped and formed I would have smiled politely and internally shouted loudly, "You've lost your marbles."
But Jesus has a sense of humor and He absolutely loves using me as a punch line. The honest truth is He loves revealing to us what we never thought was possible and making it extraordinary. He loves unfolding His plan above and beyond our own. It's His way of love. Bold and Beautiful.
A part of transitioning into His new plan no matter whether it is a physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual move is letting go. Just letting go. Letting it all go.
Often times our eyes are so focused on our rearview mirrors during this stage of transition that we loose sight of what's ahead. The objects in our mirror, the experiences which hurt us, the pains that we are running away from actually do seem larger than they appear. It's this shift of focus, this casting of our gaze ahead rather than behind which changes...everything.
The more distance we create from our past, the more time and miles we put behind us, the more clear and small the pot holes in the road seem. I don't know if time heals all wounds, but time gives us the distance we need to heal the wound.
So much of Authentically Me is Nashville. My family, my friends, my past, my future...all in all my heart. I think that is why my wonderings and wanderings have led me so far away. Fear. Fear of what I might find, fear of who I was, fear of all that happened there, and all the what if's, fear, fear, fear. Here in this constant wondering transitional stage, there are only two choices. One: Fear. Two: Trust.
A piece of wisdom has been on repeat within my mind these last two years. Let's just say Solomon knew what he was talking about: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path." (Proverbs 3:5)
Proverbs 3:5 is and has always been a favorite, but rarely do we listen to what comes next. Solomon goes on to say, "my daughter do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves her whom he loves, as a father the daughter in whom He delights." It's so human of us to want the straight path, to wait in earnest for Jesus to make it alright again. Never if ever do we want the later.
Jesus doesn't promise us a Google Map to life. It isn't a plug-in your desired location and find the shortest, quickest route to life's fulfillment. Oh and by the way here are the directions to avoid the traffic jams that are about to be thrown your way. Nope, it's a blind-folded walk through treacherous terrain that can only be done hand and hand with Him. It's that way because He desired it to be, because if it wasn't we wouldn't need Him. Our independent world often ruins the most beautiful expression of His love: relationship. It is through a one on one relationship with Him that we even get from Point A to Point B.
Two years ago I chose to trust Him in all things, even the stuff I just didn't get, like moving to a foreign place. Two years of feeling the Lord's discipline, two years of striving to be obedient, two years of feeling reproved and here I stand. More authentic and more and more longing to stay connected to my "original". More and more longing for the one on one relationship and the dependence it brings.
Jesus knows exactly what He is doing. The only obstacle is us. If only we would get out of our own way, if only we would just let go and trust Him. So many times we hold onto the images in our life's rearview mirror because without them we just don't know who we are. If we strip away all those images, all those pot holes, who will we really be? Fear binds us to our past and keeps us from living an authentically freed up present and future. Fear keeps our gaze from looking at our present clearly and embracing the future that He has in store.
Authentically You says no more. No more looking back and saying what if. No more looking back and hating what did. It's time to transition the gaze from the rearview mirror to the immensely beautiful and bold road that lies ahead. It's time for Authentically You to let it go and it's time for Authentically Me to go home.
-Authentically Me
