Sometimes in life you have to say no in order to say yes.
Requests come and come often. Requests, I find, are questions with hopeful outcomes. People ask with the purpose and pursuit you will follow through, you will take action the way they want you to. We get requests all the time...and we usually don't hesitate to step up and say yes. We give, give and give, and give some more. To the point where all we want to do is curl up in our comfy bed, turn the lights off and shut the world out.
Wanting to shut the world out is not the real problem...the real problem is shutting ourselves out. We don't listen to our own minds. We are not "mindful" of ourselves, our own needs and desires.
Don't get me wrong saying yes is a huge part of my job. I fulfill many requests. It's just part of the gig and I do love it. I enjoy completing tasks and "getting things done". My friends coined me "the machine" because I am efficient and strategic. Give me a project and give me 20 minutes...I'll have it done and done in a more streamlined, organized, put together way than you could ever imagine. I love saying yes, saying yes and fulfilling those requests makes me feel purposeful, needed, valued. BUT there is a line. Finding the line, knowing the line, adhering to the line...is the problem.
Where is the line between nice and pushed over? Where is the line between helpful and enabling? Where is the line between our authentic self and the self we tap into simply to get through the day?
The up front and honest truth is: we define the line. It is not up to others to set our boundaries. It is not someone else's responsibility to create the parameters for our lives. It is ours and ours alone. It is our opportunity. Opportunity? Yes, opportunity. When we are mindful, when we are in tune with our authentic self, we are able to...wait for it...we are able to say: N.O. NO.
You don't have to say no spitefully, bitterly, critically, or any other negative way! The point is not to all of a sudden assert your dominance, to rise up within your "self" and demand your way or the high way...that's another thing all together. The point is to have the self-awareness, self-understanding to realize WHY you are saying NO. You are saying no because:
-you are not the right person for the job...just cause you can doesn't mean you should
-you have other pressing matters to address
-you need time to think it through....stop and think before saying yes
-you are open to wait for something better
-your gut tells you so...trust your instincts
-you just need time alone...self-care says so
-you are not the one responsible for doing it...stretching yourself thin is not a solution
Often times we feel bad if we say no. We feel we are letting someone down or rather letting ourselves down for not being able to "do it all". After all we are in the 21st century! We should be able to have it all and do it all at the same time right?! Wrong. We are only one person. We only have a certain number of hours in the day. It's a good thing! It allows us the opportunity to choose. We get the chance to choose how we want to spend our day. Choose wisely.
You see saying NO allows you the opportunity to say YES to something else.
Saying no frees you up to say yes to a multitude of other opportunities you actually care, are passionate about. Prioritizing your time according to your authentic needs, desires, makes you live with a more loved, more secure, happier, more peaceful and content mind-set. It makes you feel connected. It makes you feel truly a part of something incredible to authentically you. You are actively engaged in your life rather than mindlessly subjected to your life.
People will respect you for it. We might think saying no will cause problems, people need us to fulfill all those requests, right!? What happens if we don't? People respect people who respect themselves. I personally find authenticity refreshing. I am talking about authenticity not selfishness. There is a big difference. People respond well when given a genuine, truthful answer...even if it isn't the answer they were looking for. Don't make excuses or justify...simply speak truth. "I can't I just have too much going on right now. Maybe another time." or "That sounds like a great opportunity, but I believe I'm not the right person for the job." You can even go further and say, "I really want to say yes, and a part of me feels like I should, in the past I would have without thinking about it but right now I am trying to only do what I feel I need to do." Say what you think and what you really feel. People will respond to your authenticity. If they don't respond well...it's probably a good thing you didn't say yes.
We have jobs, we have tasks that we have to do. The way we do it, the way we engage, the way we speak, act, think, process, communicate...is up to us. It is our opportunity to interact with our world. It is our chance to be authentically us. Say no so that you can say yes to authentically you.
-Authentically ME
