Just Breathe

It's that time of year.

It's that time of year in which every college student goes into finals mode. The two-week crisis of ending exams and twenty-something page papers. Graduation is on the horizon for many, with the ever present, "what's your plan?" echoing on repeat.

It's that time of dreaded spring cleaning, the time of getting rid of the old and making way for the new.

It's that time for trying to figure out how you can get back into those shorts and bathing suit which have been purposefully stashed into the back of the dresser for nine months.

It's that time of allergies and pollen covering everything and anything that can stay still for five seconds.

Spring brings with it change. The trees are budding with color, the grass is sprouting, the flowers in bloom. Spring brings transition from dark to light to even lighter as summer draws nearer. Some of us even begin to emotionally come out of our winter hibernations. Seasonal hiding out due to darkened early nights or cold weather can no longer be an excuse. Life begins calling us forward.

For me, the last month has been all about change. It seems that it's that time filled with "lasts" and "soon-to-be's" so to speak. I am happy to say that I will be transitioning into a new phase of my own life as I head back to school for my Master's degree. A new stage of life which I couldn't be more happy about. Yet, with this new found switch comes the chaos of moving all the pieces into place. Trying to simply keep my head down, to do all that is in front of me so that I can just get from point A to point B in one solid piece.

The to-do lists get higher, the stress gets bigger, the expectations loom larger and the recovering type-A in me begins to slip up and I go into full blown control extreme mode just to get through the days sane. And all the while an ever-present whisper echoes, "just breathe."

One of my favorite scenes is in Ever After. Danielle stands high above a crowd of scrutinizing guests beautifully dressed with the weight of her most important task before her. This is her biggest moment. For those of you who haven't seen the film, I won't ruin it, but BlockButler says see it. Standing there with the weight of her immediate world on her shoulders she simply closes her eyes and tells herself to, "just breathe."

Our immediate world is insane. Our immediate world is demanding to the extreme. Our immediate world is full of lists to the moon and back of things that need to get done. Our immediate world is screaming for our attention and action. Our immediate world is suffocating us.

In this flicker of a life we must learn how to just breathe. We must learn how to take on each day as just what it is, one day. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Our minds can become consumed with all the little things that they begin to snowball and intertwine into a massive anxiety ridden frenzy. Stop the frenzy, better yet let go of the frenzy and just breathe.

A part of being authentic is admitting when you are struggling for breath. A part of living life in a real and honest way is admitting when you are over you head and need help. Don't be afraid to reach out to others when it is "just gets hard to breathe". Find a few help-mates who can lessen the load and help you begin to breathe again. Odds are they just might be feeling that way too.

You will be surprised just how much easier the mountain high to-do list looks when you stop and rest your mind for a few seconds. Next time you feel yourself suffocating with the immediate world just take a moment wherever you are. In class, while out shopping, in front of your closet, at your desk, in the car...just turn of your mind for one moment and just breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe.

While in Thailand last May, I was told the story of the lotus flower. A remarkable flower that begins to sprout in mud and continues to grow underwater in murky ponds until it finally breaches the surface and blooms in radiance atop the water. It grows in the midst of struggle only to end in true beauty.

We are all at times just stuck in the mud, struggling underwater for breath, hoping to just reach the surface at some point and breathe. Although it may seem like it will never get here, a time will come when we finally do break the water and come out the other side. The better question is not how we do it but, who are we when we reach the other side of the struggle. Did the mud, grim, and drowning water make us harder, bitter, more closed? Or rather did it make us stronger, more thankful, more understandable, more trusting, more hopeful, more beautifully open?

The choice is always ours. We can choose to just put our heads down and get through it or we can choose to accept that this is refining us, preparing us, bringing us closer to something greater, something even more wonderful than we could imagine.

I choose to be refined in mud and suffering. I choose to be prepared for radiance. What are you going to choose?

-Authentically Me

REDefining You

One week ago today a group of young women spent a weekend REDefining their realities.

For the past two years I have been "diving into" life with these extraordinary young women. I have the privilege and the honor to walk along side them in the joyous and the fearful, the giggly and the tearful, the exciting engagements and the sorrowful goodbyes to first loves. We simply live life weekly together as women and we try to live it authentically. 

I challenged them at our get-away-from-stressed-out-college-life retreat this past weekend to REDefine You. I challenged them to choose one word that has attached itself, that has permeated their mind and identity, a word that has defined their past, a word that has chained their hearts, wounded their souls, a word, an identity, that needs to be REDefined.

Here are just a few of the real, genuine, bona fide, authentic truths of their brave hearts: 

We spend our lives defining ourselves in the negative. We are consumed by shame and guilt from our past, insecurity of the present, and fear of the future. So much of who we are is defined by these iron words. Our lives, our actions, our behavior is dictated by these thoughts, fears, and uncertainties. 

For me the majority of my life was defined by the notion that I was simply invisible. The reverberateing message I received from the world, from peers, from friends, from family was second-born, second-loved, second-best, nothing important, looked over, third-wheel, fifth-wheel, unwanted, not needed. Who I was was simply no one. No one worthy of love or attention. I was just invisible. 

The up front and honest truth is that all of these words are not THE TRUTH. They are lies that we hold on to, lies that we claim as true. Lies, iron claims that must be utterly abolished. Our identities are so weaved into the un-truths that we must first REDefine our reality. We must first replace that lie with the ultimate truth and we must claim it that day, this day, and everyday.

It must however be a truth that is defined not by the world, our friends, our families, or even ourselves. It must be a truth, a wonderful claim, that Jesus defines. It is His truth that changes, it is His claim over our hearts that transform our identities of shame, of guilt, of insecurity, of uncertainty into something more beautiful, something more intimate, something more powerful than we could ever imagine. It is that resounding truth that His eyes of liquid love see when He looks upon us.

These are the unchaining, unchanging truths that He REDefined within these beautiful young women: 

 Insecure to CONFIDENT

Acceptance to UNCONDITIONAL Love

 Negative to TRUE

Isolation to FULFILLMENT

Lost to PURSUED

Uncertainty to PEACE

Disappointed to JOY & Blessed

 Fearfully Searching To Still Searching BUT With Peace of Mind

Bound By Legalism To FREE In Christ 

 Unaccepted to LOVED

LOST To Heading For A PERFECT Destination

 Self-Destructive To SAVED

 Insufficient To PEACE

 Fearful To FAITHFUL

I have lived the majority of my life held down by the notion that I just don't matter. That who I am is wrong, messed up, not enough, or not wanted. My REDefining truth is the profound idea that Jesus just sees me.

Jesus sees everything, my past, my present, my future. His eyes of abounding love simply see me in all my authenticity and He can't help but smile for He made it that way.

What lie are you claiming that simply isn't true? What truth is He whispering to you that He hopes you might claim too? Let go and release. Let yourself be REDefined by Him.

-AUTHENTICALLY ME

Live The Dream

I am an avid dreamer. It doesn't matter if I am asleep or awake my mind can't tell the difference for it is in a constant dream-thinking mode. Far off places, crazy situations, hopeful experiences, fantastical tales, adventures, or even simple desirable moments, I have been creating stories in my head since before I can even remember. At times it seems like those dreams, those fantasies are more real, more genuine to me than any true memory. It's no wonder I love movies and novels so much...straight good 'ole wish fulfillment. 

The perpetual question, however, that reverberates through my mind is the heart-wrenching thought: can our dreams, our wishes, our hopes ever really come true? I mean Disney programmed us to believe they do, but do they? Can we ever truly Live The Dream? 

American culture tells us there is no glass ceiling anymore. We can have our cake and eat it to. Everyone can attain whatever they wish if they just work hard enough. Dream big or go home. Reach for the stars and one day you'll get there, the American dream to the max and beyond. Is this truly reality....or are we just simply setting ourselves up for failure? 

A friend once told me, shoot for the stars but don't be surprised if you hit the moon. I remember laughing and thinking the allegory was quite heartbreaking. Over the years I have begun to see the beauty in the surprise. We dream, we dream big, but sometimes our dreams never shape out the way we always thought they would. For some this can cause a deep sadness and for others a gentle smile at what wonderful thing came instead.  

In dreaming do we set ourselves up for failure? In my experience there cannot be one without the other. Rarely, if ever, do our dreams come true without a little failure or loss along the way. Our dreams are innate to who we are. They are weaved into our very identity. It's the pursuit of them that can be the hardest challenge we face for it requires the fortitude to believe that they can one day come true regardless of the losses that form in our way. It's the battle, the pursuit, and the strength of character to see them through that defines the very core of who we are. 

My brother defines fortitude. He has pursued his dream with abounding character and grace, always looking forward to what could be. His inspirational fight for his dream has touched many and a few days ago I got the call. His dream is now a reality. His setbacks paved the way for his future. I couldn't be more proud of him, not for what he achieved but how he achieved it. 

What does it mean to Live The Dream? Living the dream is the pursuit, the hopeful fulfillment of a desire yet to be obtained. In truth, we all are living daily in the pursuit of our dreams. The better question is why do you dream what you dream? Why do you want what you want? Our dreams spring forth from the deepest desires of our hearts. Loneliness seeks constant companionship. Abandonment pursues self-affirmation. Insecurity clings to fame and fortune. Where do your desires, your wants, your hopes, your wishes stem from? A part of knowing where you want to be is knowing where you are. Get to know you; you might just be surprised what your dreams tell you. 

One of the many blissful, beautiful, and joyful moments found in this life is the pleasure that comes from a dream fought for and then fulfilled. Isn't that why we dream so that one-day we can have those moments where they come true? So that the part of us that wished and hoped, the part that needed and wanted to fill a void is finally whole? 

Almost a year ago I got to Live My Dream, a dream that I had dreamed for ten years. I was able to see and do what I had always wanted to do in a way that I had never expected. My dream was fulfilled above and beyond my wildest imaginations. I was able to speak, to help, to be exactly what I always wanted to be. After years of hoping, after years of almost and could-haves it finally became a reality. Yet, the void still remains. 

Fulfilled dreams don't fill the void. They can bring joy. They can bring happiness. They can bring moments of blissful delight and unexpected peace. They can transform our lives and bring us to a place we never thought we would be. Just as innate as our dreams are to our identity so is the void. At the core of us is the desperate desire for more. We want more, dream more, want to live more, be more. Always more. 

There is no easy and simple cure for the void, for the more. The only remedy, the only healing is a daily surrender of ourselves to something greater, to something better, to something that we all are a part of. There is nothing more fulfilling than the authentic promise of what is yet to come. I have seen a glimmer, a soft haze of it, that indescribable beauty. The real and first true dream that will one day be made manifest. 

-Authentically Me

Love.

Love. 

Two weeks ago we celebrated it. We dressed to the nines for it. We spent way too much on it. In our loneliness we might have even hated the idea of it. Yet we still obsess over it. We still crave it, desire it, and seek to obtain it. 

I was going to save this posting for July (hint hint), but, in truth, I just couldn't wait till then. For the last week a sickapocalypse it seems has settled in around me.  I, personally, had a second visit from the stomach flu, all of it causing me to give the whole "in sickness and in health" idea a real mental-undertaking. The thought that stuck with me in all of it was that love moves into sickness not away, love runs towards not away from pain. Love seeks to help, love seeks to comfort, love seeks to heal. 

Nothing rings truer to this idea than when I called my dad to simply say that, despite feeling like death for the past 48 hours, yes indeed I was alive. To my surprise, he wasn't where I expected him to be. He wasn't at work. He wasn't in a lunch meeting or out taking care of one of his projects. He was at the hospital with my mom while she was undergoing a routine MRI. He just was there. He just was there. He just was there because she wanted him to be. He just was there because she felt better with him being there. He just...was there. 

My parents love each other. They have loved each other since they were teenagers. "High-School Sweethearts", "Opposites Attract", "Married Your First Love", all pretty much sum up my parents relationship. 

Trumping any Nicholas Sparks novel, my parents are the real, true, bona fide deal. They met and fell in love in high-school, spent most of their college days trying to see if there was someone else out there better only to find that there wasn't, married right out of college on July 25th 1981 (now you get it) exactly 6 years to the date of their very first official date. 

Let me put it to you this way, at this exact point in their lives my parents have known each other and been together longer than the number of years they haven't been. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. More than any of that context or backstory, the profound truth is this: 

They still hold hands in the car. Even after all these years they still are in love with each other. 

Love. Real Love. Authentic Love. 

My parent's relationship is not perfect. Like I scribbled in my last post "Expectations", my parents, like all of us, created expectations, standards that neither one of them could meet. There has been pain; there has been suffering and uncertainty. Yet, despite it all there has been one constant: the conviction, the commitment, the promise of love. My parents chose to love each other in this great adventure. My parents chose to love despite all the obstacles, despite all the flaws of the other, despite the heart-wrenching pain that life can bring. They still choose this. I have seen and continue to see them choosing this. 

There is no greater safety in the world for a child than knowing your parents love one another. I am grateful and blessed by this safety, this protection and covering. It's this legacy of love that I am honored to be a part of. 

-Authentically Me

Expectations

Expectation vs. Reality. Two ideas that are at war with one another constantly in romantic relationships. I am in awe of the truthfullness of this scene in 500 Days of Summer. For the first time in a long time the writers just…they just got it right!

Our minds are an endless stream of expectational thoughts especially when it comes to love. No person is greater at this than a woman. If she is not careful, thoughtful, her mind can literally run away from her. She creates fantastical, wonderful, hopeful sceneros in her head that are not helpful but rather hurtful to her mental and emotional well-being. 

What is it about a kiss in the rain? Got to love unrealistic expectations and the desperate hope for that perfect moment. 

Growing up in a culture that clings to perfectionistic ideology, it’s just as easy as breathing to begin to believe that perfection can be attained and acquired. That’s what we do. We work and work and work some more to be our ultimate ideal self in order that our Mr. Perfect will be with us, Mrs. Perfect, so that we can live perfectly ever after. 

The honest truth is that Mrs. Perfect doesn’t exist. Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist. It’s time that we free ourselves from the binding of these unrealistic expectations and begin to form a new clearer reality. 

As women our minds are constantly being permeated with perfectionistic stereotypes of men. Here are just a few of many that can be seen on any form of media. 

Each one of these stereotypes in some way grips our attention and captures our feminine heart. For at the core of who we are is a deep desire for an intimate, profound connection, an epic love that completely changes our lives. In truth, I have never met a woman who has not wanted to be fought for, protected, loved passionately or cared for deeply. The constant pursuit of the fulfillment of this deep desire is why we keep going back to the expectation of Mr. Perfect because on film, on TV, in books, he is made a true and tangible reality. Yet, it is a false reality. This false reality is wrecking havoc on our very real, very tangible relationships with men. 

I don't want Mr. Perfect. I want Mr. Real. I want Mr. Authentically Him. 

It's just not fair of us to keeping holding these expectations over the men in our lives. For if we keep expecting him to be Mr. Perfect, we will certainly create the assumption that we have to always be Mrs. Perfect. I don't know about you but I don't want to try and have to live up to that for the rest of my life. Nope. I just want to be Mrs. Real. I just want to be Mrs. Authentically Me. 

If you are alive and breathing than you are screwed up, really screwed up. We have to come to terms with the fact that, despite our best intentions, we are going to continue to screw up for the rest of our lives. The sooner we accept that we reach a place of true freeing reality. 

Let me make this clear, I am not saying that you shouldn't have standards. I am not saying that you should stop trying to be a person of character. I am certainly not saying that Mr. Real can just be and do x,y,and z and that's okay because we are just all screwed up anyway. 

Nope, my point is simply this. Life is not always sunshine and daisies, and thank the stars that it isn't. This life is not always a fairytale, this life is not perfect, but it is an amazing and incredible adventure! An adventure that challenges us, refines us, strengthens us. 

Free yourself up from trying to find or waiting for Mr. Perfect and Perfectly Ever After. Begin living life without all the unrealistic expectations that you put on yourself and you are projecting onto the men in your life. Begin enjoying the great adventure. 

Just let it all go, free yourself up to be surprised. When the time comes and it is right I hope that you:

Choose someone who is willing to take on the adventure with you.

Choose someone who is honest and real, someone who is brave enough to be himself. 

Choose someone who will be with you in the really epic and the epically bad. 

Choose someone who will daily choose to love you. 

Furthermore, I hope that you:

Choose to take on the adventure with him. 

Choose to be honest and real, to be brave enough to be authentically you. 

Choose to be with him in the really epic and epically bad. 

Choose to daily love him. 

Here is the kicker, Mr. Real can support you. Mr. Real can encourage you. Mr. Real can love you to his best ability, but Mr. Real will fall short. He will fall short just as you will fall short in trying to love him to the best of your ability.  

In truth, the deepest desire of our hearts for an intimate, profound connection, an epic love that completely changes our lives, to be fought for, protected always, loved passionately or cared for deeply cannot be found in any earthly relationship. That pursuit of this desire within man alone creates an abyss of loneliness, despair, self-hatred, and bitterness. It was designed that way for a greater purpose. 

For you see we are already a part of a greater love story than we could ever imagine. More epic than any 3-hour long film we have seen or 800 page novel we have read. Our great love story is found within one person: Jesus. By choosing to be a part of His epic love story we are freed up from our self-inflicted earthly expectations and called towards a new greater reality. A reality of a love that is incomprehensible and irrevocably true for all time. 

-Authentically Me

Embrace Winter

Winter is upon us. Even as I type snowflakes are falling outside my window. There is just something so completely magical about a snow day! As a kid they were a much-needed break from school. The funny thing is when you get older you realize they were the exact same thing to the teacher. A much needed break from life, a few hours of delay or a day of cancellation from the world.

Winter gets a harsh icy reputation most of the time. With so many people flocking south to avoid it, how could it not? The truth is I absolutely love winter. I love everything about it. The sweaters and coats, my mom’s hand knit mittens and scarves, Starbucks hot apple cider, curling up by a fire I created, the promise of snow…I look forward to it.

The truth is I don’t think I would love summer as much as I do if I didn’t love winter as much as I do. Just like I wouldn’t love the awakening of spring if I didn’t have the falling of autumn. It’s these contrasts that bring new life each and every year. It is a promise of something beautiful to come, the promise of a blessing on the horizon…if you’ll just hold on and wait for it.

The truth remains. No matter how unbelievably frigid life can get there is always a remnant. A remnant that grows and is made stronger, better, more refined into something greater than we can ever imagine.  We must completely Embrace Winter.

Scripture states that there is a time and season for everything. I love this when I am in summer and spring but when it comes to periods of fall and winter…forget it! It can get pretty hard to hold on to the promise of a blessing and beauty to come when I feel like an avalanche is propelling down a mountain right at me! The majority of the time I muster up my own strength and face the avalanche head on…alone. It always, not usually, not sometimes…always…gets me ten feet under and turned completely upside down. 

Embracing doesn’t mean wallow. Embracing doesn’t mean being overcome. Embracing means standing firm and trusting no matter what may come. To trust. Trust. Trust, Beloved. Trust. Embracing Winter equals obedience, faith under ice, taking delight, completely surrendering the “avalanche” into a greater hand than your own, no matter what may come.

The reward is seeing where you’ve been and where you’ve been brought. A man a long time ago stood on a mountain overlooking a great promise, a promise, a land that he never got to live in or experience, but a land that he got to see. Most people find this part of Moses’ journey heart breaking and down right aggravating. You mean to tell me that he did all of that? He was obedient in all those ways and he didn’t even get to go in? What’s with that? I never really saw it that way; ok well maybe at first, but having experienced my own avalanches and my own 40 years so to speak I am beginning to get it more. Moses was able to see a promise fulfilled. He was able to look with his own eyes and see the goodness, the beauty that was before him. He was able to look back over his shoulder and see just where they had been. He was able to look forward and see where they were going. It was a gift, a sweet God’s eye view of it all.

Embracing Winter is about you standing on that mountain and seeing the whole picture even when you are buried depth under ten feet under snow. It’s you trusting that something greater is yet to come; it’s you believing that there is a beautiful plan even if all you see is a blizzard. 

I hope that you make your own mark in your winter seasons. That in times of cold you stand firm and trust. That you create within the snow your own handprints which show just how authentic and glorious you were despite its heavy fall. 

I hope that when unexpected things happen in this out of control world you smile and breathe. You smile, breathe, and remember who is really in control. 

I hope that you can laugh despite its icy touch. Finding experiences and moments of joy in the midst of trials is the hardest but the most healing action you can take. Find joy despite the winter. 

   

I hope that you never forget your mountain. This life is a beautiful journey and adventure through the blizzard of stress, heartache, pain, loss, death, disease... complete and utter avalanches. Never forget the incredible promise of what is to come.

                         

-Authentically Me