Authentically Who???

There comes a time in every young person's life where they must decide whether or not to completely freak out. All jokes aside it's a real thing. Ask any 20-something out there and they'll tell you. Scout's honor.

Watch any show about this decade of life and one pure daunting theme is found amongst them all--personal identity. The greatest quest --to find oneself. Oneself, in our current culture, being predominately defined and summarized by a job, a significant other, what power or authority you have, where you live, what you live in, financial security...the list goes on and on.

The crazy part is that some people seem to have it all. The great job, the cool apartment, the good looking significant other, the beauty, the brains, have money will travel. From any vantage point they have the life you want. From any angle they are who you want to be.

But what about the rest of us? What about the outsiders What about the ones who have yet to figure it out or even worse the ones who seem to have lost ourselves along the way? How do we get back on track? How do we do better? How do we be better? More and more resources are detailing the easy steps to living a self-fulfilled life. More than at any point in human history we predominately have the knowledge and the tools at our fingertips to live the life we want to live.

Then why don't we? Why are we so unhappy? Why are we so discontent? Why do we do the things we hate? Why can we not achieve our goals? It's the first week of January and I'm sure half of the world has probably already broken their New Year's resolution (maybe an exaggeration but it's probably a high number).

The truth is we truly have lost sight of ourselves, our real selves, our authentic selves. If this were a cartoon some little cute animal with a snarky face would be popping, rather loudly, the dream bubble over the main character's head. Our entire focus and energy is set on attaining the unattainable. We've somehow deluded ourselves into believing we actually can, and more dangerously should, have it all and be all. It's exhausting, it's depressing, and it's got to stop.

Authentically Me cannot and is not designed to be Authentically You. Authentically You is not designed to be Authentically Me. That is why I need you, and you need me. If we lose sight of this our entire worlds begin to become Authentically Who??? Further more, for all the recovering type-A's and perfectionists, Authentically You is not Unrealistically You.

This is not a shout out to live life un-purposefully or without goals, to be lazy or un-motivated, rather it is the opposite. This is a shout out, a deep desire, for us all to begin being purposeful, to have goals, to be motivated, to be active all within the context of who we truly and authentically are. Authentikos means in congruence, in perfect unity with, the origin. It's no wonder we are struggling to be ourselves, to know what we want, to do what we want, when we are constricting ourselves within the confines of someone else's life or rather someone else's body.

How would are lives be different, how would we be different, how confident would we be if we chose to live life in congruence with who we really are? How would things be different if we chose it, were actually proud of it because we knew that we were unique, we were carefully designed and refined to be that authentic self?

Where does this journey from Authentically Who to Authentically You begin? It begins with grace. If you chose to give more grace to yourself each day what kind of life would you live? If we chose to give more grace to each other what kind of world would we share?

-Authentically Me

Feel In The Blank

This one is for all those who feel (Fill In The Blank) this time of year.

It seems to me more and more these days that life is on a constant repeat. Another Thanksgiving, another Black Friday, soon it'll be another Christmas Eve, Christmas, another New Year, another Valentine's day. We've officially started the holiday marathon that only rounds out on St. Patty's day. Each year bringing the same holidays, the same dinners, the same parties, the same shopping days, the same plans, the same, the same, the same, bringing with it a numbing sensation that is ever-pressing.

More and more we are forcing ourselves to simply take a deep breath and just get through it. Get through exams, get through the final projects, get through the holidays, get through the madness, just get through it, please Lord, just help me get to the other side of (Fill In The Blank). 

When did we let ourselves rationalize, justify, and believe that this is really living? When did we let ourselves stop being (Fill In The Blank) or rather stop letting ourselves (Feel In The Blank)?

This time of the season is magical and if you are not careful you just might miss it. Magic is rare, magical moments are even more rare. Don't let this (Fill In The Blank) season make you forget that. If you're happy be happy. If you're sad let yourself be sad. If you're alone...well let yourself feel lonely. If you're in love be in love. If you're (Fill In The Blank), let yourself be (Fill In The Blank). 

Numbing life just to get from point A to point B will get you nowhere. Shutting down all (Fill In The Blank) won't get you anywhere. Life is too short, too precious, too magical to be spending it weighed down by (Fill In The Blank). Take the time and choose to accept (Fill In The Blank), to acknowledge (Fill In The Blank), and allow yourself to find freedom in (Fill In The Blank). 

We have to allow yourselves to feel, to feel all that is in the blank spaces, for if we don't I am afraid we will soon regret having felt anything at all. Regretting feeling, regretting experiencing is regretting being human. Being human being authentically human is too magical to simply be wished away.

If I could wish anything for authentically you this magical season it would be to:
Accept (Fill In The Blank).
Cherish (Fill In The Blank).
Forgive (Fill In The Blank).
Enjoy (Fill In The Blank).
Thank (Fill In The Blank).
Remember (Fill In The Blank).
Allow (Fill In The Blank).
Choose (Fill In The Blank).
Honor (Fill In The Blank).
and Love, oh love, (Fill In The Blank).

-Authentically Me

98% Positive

A friend of mine called me last week. She said, "I'm 98% positive you're going to say no...". For a moment I laughed and proceeded to think of what request she could possibly have. What could she possibly need that she was 98% positive I was going to say no to? 

It was then that I caught the end of her proposal. Beach. The Beach. A Beach. Any Beach. Would I care to spend the next week in Longboat Key, Florida? It took me an exact millisecond to reply..."I'm 98% positive I'm going to say yes!".

If there is one thing I have learned in my twenties it's this: be spontaneous. As a recovering type-A, the concept of spontaneity is a hard one to grapple with. It's not that spontaneity is seen as a bad thing, or something that is unenjoyable, rather it's the action of being spontaneous that poses a problem. Being spontaneous involves lack of forethought, it involves trusting that everything will just work out, a no-fear-just-live-in-the-moment mentality. A mentality, which up until three years ago, I was 98% positive was so-not-authentically-me.

Fast forward three years, three years of life experience, three years of diving into life as authentically me and here I am jumping off a boat into the ocean at sunset just because I can. I'm still a recovering type-A. I still like to plan and make to-do lists. I still seem to set unrealistic expectations. However, I also know it's important to live life in the present and not be so fearful of the future.

Time and regret bring with it one conclusion. In life there are moments where you can choose to go with the normal or take a chance and be a part of the unexpected. I'm 98% positive I will always go with the later.

Here's to living life as authentically-spontanteously-me:

-Authentically Me

Try

This last month I have been...trying.

Trying to figure out grad-school. 

Trying to live back in my home town. 

Trying to maintain friendships. 

Trying to make new friends. 

Trying to forgive. 

Trying to forget. 

Trying to be me. 

Trying to let go. 

Trying to explore new opportunities. 

Trying to write. 

Trying to live free. 

Trying to heal. 

Trying to studying. 

Trying to work. 

Trying to say good-bye. 

Trying to welcome new changes.

Trying to...

Trying to...

Trying to...

Trying to...

Trying to...

I'm tired. Tired of trying to work hard for others, to meet other's expectations, but mostly trying to live up to my own expectations. It was one of those days. I was driving to and from, going here and then there, my mind consumed with all that needed to be done. Consumed, really, with all that I had to do. 

Then this song came on the radio. Try by Colbie Caillat. I instantly rolled my windows down, letting my hair be caught by the wind and allowing a smile to cross my face. 

Put your make-up on

Get your nails done

Curl your hair

Run the extra mile

Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you?

Get your sexy on

Don't be shy, girl

Take it off

This is what you want, to belong, so they like you

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try

Get your shopping on, at the mall, max your credit cards

You don't have to choose, buy it all, so they like you

Do they like you?

Wait a second,

Why, should you care, what they think of you

When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to bend until you break

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing.

You don't have to try

Take your make-up off

Let your hair down

Take a breath

Look into the mirror, at yourself

Don't you like you?

'Cause I like you

I don't have to try so hard, I don't have to bend until I break because at the end of the day I really do like me. I really do love this wonderful extraordinary life. I am thankful for today and you know tomorrow really will take care of itself. 

You don't have to try so hard. You don't have to bend until you break. Let yourself love yourself. Let yourself love your life. Let yourself be thankful for all that life has to offer. Let yourself be in the present. Let tomorrow really take care of itself. 

-Authentically Me

25 + 1

Recently I was inducted into the upper-twenties crowd. This celebration means that I am on the slippery slope and fast slide to 30. Then skipping twenty years I'll be 50 and within a blink of an eye I'll be 75, with presumably only 25 years left (maybe only five that I'll actually remember). Well, here's to life being officially over. This was at least the partial panic attack slash emotionally disturbing cycle of thought that occurred in those first few hours of being 25 +1. 

You see when you're 20-25 all the questions coming your way are: what are you going to do...who are you going to be?. When you're 20-25 there is a somewhat grace period for not knowing as if it's almost a given that it will take some time. The physical response is one of empathy, sympathetic understanding, there is a sigh, a sweet pat and a simple nod as if saying, "You'll figure it out, I promise, just give it some time". 

Now that I'm in the 26-30 demographic it's different. Now you have to know. Now you had better know and you had better be doing all the things you spent your early twenties trying to figure out. The response now is a sense of shock and wonder, a surprised "Oh" or "Interesting" (that's southern speak for "she's screwed"). Despite pursuing my masters, despite having a somewhat hazy at best picture of the future, there still is a constantly growing list of all the blank spaces, the holes, the unsolved puzzle pieces. 

Now, I've given being 25+1 a few days and like most things in my life come to terms with the obvious and unavoidable. Time always moves forward. There is no going back, but there is the choice to move forward. Maybe that's what being 25+1 is all about, coming to term with the uncertainty or un-controllable force that life can be? Maybe 25-30 will be even more self-forming than 20-25. 

A quarter of a century behind me, I look ahead to the next three (here's hoping that the technology in health care continues to advance...). I will face this next season head on but I am taking with me:

                               

In my 25 years of breathing and being I have come to know one thing more than anything. My whole world is constantly and will always be bombarding me with messages, truth and lies about who I am, what I should be, what I could be, what I am not, what I will not be. In the roar of unavoidable directive claims over my identity, I can choose to be who they/it/them/ tell me to be. I can spend these next three quarters of my life faking it, trying to make it, trying to be it, or I can take a deep breath and just be me. I can be Authentically Me. Here's a hint: I'm so diving into the later. 

-Authentically Me

The Power of Vulnerability

A friend of mine recently sent me an email denoting an amazing woman and her research...Brene Brown. Her TED talk absolutely blew me away and struck me to the very core.

It is the powerful conversation of our human desire for connection and how the shame we so heavily carry affects our own happiness. Brene is a "storyteller" who weaves truth: "They had connection..and this is the hard part...as a result of authenticity".

Brene Brown goes on to conclude this: "To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts even though there is no guarantee and that's really hard; to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror because to feel this vulnerable means I am alive. And the last which I think is the most important, is to believe that we are enough."

Click  here to see Brene's full TED Talk.


-Authentically Me

Be Brave

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLSwpjpVmRU 

Rub some dirt on it. That's what comes to my mind when I think of pain. Aka suck it up, get over it, and move on. Despite how hilarious She's The Man is and how many times it has made me laugh it leaves me wondering, if only it were that easy, right? 

Pain permeates our lives. If allowed it can seep into every niche of our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls. The funny thing about pain is that we think it can't get any worse...and then somehow someway it proves us wrong. Life just has a way of doing that. Several months ago I wrote a snip bit called Rise: http://authenticallyyou.blogspot.com/2013/10/power-of-phoenix.html. In it I talk about rising from the ashes of unexpected moments that leave you flatlined, like a phoenix. Yet, what comes before that? What starts you on the path to choose to rise? 

According to research in neurobiology,"Pain motivates the individual to withdraw from damaging situations, to protect a damaged body part while it heals, and to avoid similar experiences in the future." (Lynn B. Cutaneous nociceptors. In: Winlow W, Holden AV. The neurobiology of pain: Symposium of the Northern Neurobiology Group, held at Leeds on 18 April 1983. Manchester: Manchester University Press; 1984. ISBN 0-7190-0996-0. p. 106.) Basically past pain predicts future actions. When we are young and we accidentally burn our hand on the stove we make sure to take care when we are near it into adulthood etc. But not all pain is just physical...I would go so far as to say that we forget the actual sensation attached to physical pain but recall vividly emotional pain. 

In physical pain such as a burn, a cut, a broken bone etc., we remember that it hurt and we definitely don't want to re-live. I mean I can't sit here and actually conjure up the pain I felt after both of my surgeries, or that snowmobile accident, or that skiing accident. I remember the fear absolutely, what happened, the sounds, but I can't feel the physical pain. 

Pain elicited from our past, from our emotions, is a different thing entirely. That kind of pain permeates within us. We can feel it, we can re-live it if we so choose. Our heart rate might increase, our breathing may become tight, a knot forms in our stomach, our vision becomes blurred. We feel a hard gripping weight fall on us and if we let it, it can paralyze us. If left alone our pain can become a wound that aggravates us and is toxic to ourselves and others. 

I know waves upon waves of people who walk around this world fully believing that they are pain-free. They over time have believed so adamantly that nothing in this life has phased them, altered them, or going so far as to say hurt them. However, a wise woman I know once said, "The sooner you realize your screwed up the better." When I first heard that it took me back. No, I can't be screwed up. Screwed up means there is something wrong with me and I have worked too hard to let there be anything wrong with me. Moral of the story is wisdom wins in this argument. You are flawed. You are imperfect. You are screwed up. The good news is...we all are. The sooner we accept it the sooner we can break free of the expectations to be perfect and to never admit that we are in pain. 

Once we arrive at this freeing light bulb moment. The big questions that forms is how do we get rid of the pain so etched into the very fabric of our story, our identity? I think it's harder than taking a few Advil or Aleve like I do when my stress fracture is flaring up. I may not have all the answers or all the steps listed out in the perfect type-A follow along guide. I do know that it has to start by being brave. In order to confront the past and change our pain reactions for the future we must first choose to be brave. 

Being brave in every facet, in ever way, perfectly adheres to what I believe to be true about Authentically You. Being brave, to me, is having the inner strength of character, the gumption to take a blind-folded first step into an unexpected future. Bravery is not found in the weak of heart, but rather a heart that is desperate for something greater and something more than itself. Being brave is choosing to take a first step towards healing by admitting you are in pain and secondly entrusting that pain into the only person capable of healing. The ultimate Healer. 

No greater song captures this idea than Oceans. Some see it as a call to trust Him in all of life's future plans, but for me it is a call to trust the ultimate Healer, Jesus. To trust Him in all the times where it just feels like there is an ocean of pain separating me from Him. I cannot step upon the water and make it to Him without being brave. I cannot step upon the water and make it to Him if I don't trust that He is there. 

Spirit, lead us where our trust in Your healing is without end. 

Teach us how to walk across the water. 

Free us up to trust You despite the rocky waves. 

Spirit, lead us to surrender our authentic stories to you.

Healer, let your embrace cover our pain and bind our wounds.

-Authentically Screwed Up Me