Impact: The Effect Of The Mark

                                             

For the last two years I have tried to quantify impact. How do we adequately measure, define, and communicate the impact, the mark, that one person has on another? 

This question permeates my thoughts because my day to day, my working hours are encompassed in this imperative yet simple question. How can Authentically Me impact Authentically You?                                                      

In 2011, Fear 2 Freedom began. Born out of compassion and energized to create a tangible difference in the lives of those wounded by sexual and physical violence, Fear 2 Freedom's niche is creating an uplifting forum for "one person to one person impact". 

By partnering universities, hospitals, and communities to build essential after-care kits for victims of violence, Fear 2 Freedom (F2F) inspires others to be the solution, to offer hope and love in someone else's moment of great trauma. F2F kits are used by Forensic Nurses within hospitals, non-profits, after-care homes, and international organizations to uplift, encourage, comfort, and support.  For more information, please check us out at fear2freedom.org. 

  

For the last two years my ultimate purpose within F2F was to help support, to nurture, and to accomplish this very real, this very incredible human exchange of love and hope. Yet how can I quantify in words what it means to tangibly impact the life of another person? How can I tell the story of the countless marks made on other's lives? How can I get the "buy-in"? 

The simple and honest answer is that impact is not quantifiable. Sure, I can do a survey of participants, I can tell you how many kits are completed a year, how many institutional partners are out there...but impact is not measured by these programmed facts. 

Impact is measured within an exchange. Impact is measured across a lifespan of development. Impact in it's original nature is defined by one person's soul breathing life into another person's soul. Impact is an action, a verb, a doing, a gift, not a set quote to be achieved. Authentic impact is found in the very smallest of ways and the biggest of moments when somebody changes something within you forever. 

For Fear 2 Freedom this occurs two-fold. In the giver and the receiver. The giver is the catalyst. The giver assembles the kit, writes a personalized note and provides for the receiver a gift of comfort and joy. The receiver is provided for, cared for, and given hope. Two lives, two strangers, coincide in the smallest of ways and the biggest of moments to be changed forever by an invisible mark, a small act of kindness and compassion. 

This week I completed my last official Fear 2 Freedom event before I embark on my next stage of impact, a master's in counseling. 300 F2F Kits were assembled in Newport Beach and are now heading to Guatemala where they will go directly to women and children wounded by sexual abuse. 

                             

                                                      

In the last year alone, F2F has created a forum for a thousand people to come together to impact thousands. Impact, of course, is not only found in large scale university or community philanthropic events. We are "impacted" by many things, many people, many experiences. This past week I got to see first hand the "Golden Coast". It was truly impacting. Impact, true impact, holds to its authentic form. In the one to one. One moment, one new sight, one new breath. All of these events leave a mark.

One Sunset.

One Balcony View.

 One Poolside Afternoon. 

One Sweet Scent of A Rose Garden.

 One Walk Along The Beach. 

I believe that as we make our way through life we each leave an authentic mark, an impact, on those around us as we give and receive love. Sometimes these marks are bold and visible by the whole world, and other times they are invisible and are never seen. It is the effect of that mark that we keep with us, it is the effect of the mark that we take with us forever. 

This mark, this ripple of love and hope cannot be quantified or measured. It is this current of change that I see first hand creating a tidal wave within the next generation of leaders. This generation, this new world now more then ever have the capacity, the self-drive, the strength of heart to authentically impact this world, to effect generations to come by leaving behind a mark of love. 

-Authentically Me

Not Buying Clothes For A Year

One year ago I made the decision to not buy clothes. It started out as one part financial desperation and two parts sheer inner curiosity. In gearing up for my trip to Thailand last May I sought to buy some "essential things". Yet the more I bought, the more hangers I used, the more drawer space I took up, the more I tried to find a place in my closet, the more I realized how manny clothes I actually had. I didn't need anything else nor could my savings or credit continue to suffer for it.

A thought dawned on me as I sat buried under piles of clothes. Could I go an entire summer without buying ANY new clothes? That meant no cute tops, no flowery dresses, no new jean shorts. Nothing. Notta. Zilch.

Somehow I actually did it. Then the inner curiosity kicked in again. Could I go until Christmas? It was just another three months? I was already half way there, right? That meant no new cropped jeans, no flannel shirts, no vests, no new peacoat. Nothing. Notta. Zilch.

The holidays rolled around and still not a single penny of my own personal money had gone towards any item of clothing. After tasting such sweet success, I got even more curious. Could I go an entire year? Could I not buy anything till May!?

Well, today is May 2nd and I did it!

5 Things I Learned By Not Buying Clothes For A Year:

1) Be Grateful For What You Do Have

    This past year I have come to be more thankful, more appreciative, and more grateful for what I do have. We can choose to live our lives in a "need" mentality. I "need" that. I've just got to "have that". It  creates within us a cycle of ungratefulness and dissatisfaction as if that cute blue dress or those awesome pair of shoes will actually bring true joy. It might satisfy for a moment. It might make you smile and feel pretty as you look in the mirror, but that will fade. That cute dress and those awesome shoes will get stuffed into the back of the closet only to be replaced by that new cute dress and those other awesome shoes. Nope, living in the "need" leads nowhere. I would rather live in the "thank you". The thank you keeps us grounded. The thank you makes us compassionate. The thank you keeps us genuine.

2) He Always Provides

    There have been two or three times this year where I honestly just needed something! For example, I desperately needed new pants around Christmas. My jeans and black pants had holes in them from just being worn out. Crisis mode set in. What was I going to do? I mean, I knew I could try and figure out something else to where to business meetings and to work every day, but...what would that be? It was then that my family chipped in. They treated me to a little shopping trip for Christmas and I couldn't have been more provided for. The truth is Jesus provides and so do others. When we are faithful, when we are obedient, when we are trusting, he and others show up and surprise us with their provision.

3) Old Things, New Ways

   When you are in a season of limitations you must use what you have and make things better. In life there are times when we are limited. Limited by resources or community, however it is what we do with what we have that shows truly who we are. This last year, I could have chosen at times to feel thwarted. Sometimes I did feel that way and was desperate to just fix my problem by swiping that debit card. "I just don't have anything to wear!" "I look bad in all of this!" Despite the desperation to fix it easily, I chose to problem solve. I chose to release expectations and just be okay with what was. I chose to make it better. Creating new styles, new matches, I was able to get over the negative and be excited about the newness I had created.

4) Re-Thinking Shopping Habits

    Although I may have decided not to buy any clothes, I never made a choice not to window-shop. I still made trips to Target, I still walked through JCREW or Anthropologie whenever I passed. Yet each time I found my instincts changed. Before there was a thrill, an excitement, a splurge of incontrollable desire to purchase the pretty things I saw before me. Now I look, I admire, I appreciate, but I don't feel like I am missing out on anything if I don't get it. I look at the price tag first and think about whether it is in my budget or I ask myself whether it is really worth it/will I wear it that much to justify getting it. I think before I shop, not think after I shop.

5) Set Up A Series of Small and Achievable Goals

     I would never have made it a year if I started out challenging myself to a year without buying clothes. The saving grace was doing months at a time. May to August. August to January. January to May. This allowed me to feel as if the finish line was right around the corner not miles and miles away. It was tangible. As is with any bad habit, it is imperative to not set yourself up for failure. I chose to not buy clothes, but I created exceptions to help me along the process. I chose not to use my own personal money. This allowed me, however, to still use other sources of income like birthday money, christmas gifts etc. to help purchase items that I really did need along the way. Creating parameters and small goals to achieve the ultimate one is the best way to go.

So what did I do on my first day of freedom? I would love to say that I mastered my inner fashionista and felt no real desire to go into a store...but let's be honest...it had been an entire year!!

After a year of not buying clothes, I was instantly curious about what I would purchase. After all this time where would I want to go? After all this time what would I really want? I thought it would be a new red dress, or a pair of white jeans, maybe a really great maxi skirt. 

Instead of splurging, I decided to buy three staple items that I loved and would wear at any time of the year. All tops, one from Anthro and two from TJ's, and all in my favorite colors. Blue. White. Jean. 

Here's to a year of learning, a year of being humbled, a year of loving, a year of being grateful, a year of authentically pursuing a goal. I wonder what my next challenge will be?!

(I must thank Pinterest for helping me this year, without you I would not have made it. Cheers to virtual shopping!)

-Authentically Me

Just Breathe

It's that time of year.

It's that time of year in which every college student goes into finals mode. The two-week crisis of ending exams and twenty-something page papers. Graduation is on the horizon for many, with the ever present, "what's your plan?" echoing on repeat.

It's that time of dreaded spring cleaning, the time of getting rid of the old and making way for the new.

It's that time for trying to figure out how you can get back into those shorts and bathing suit which have been purposefully stashed into the back of the dresser for nine months.

It's that time of allergies and pollen covering everything and anything that can stay still for five seconds.

Spring brings with it change. The trees are budding with color, the grass is sprouting, the flowers in bloom. Spring brings transition from dark to light to even lighter as summer draws nearer. Some of us even begin to emotionally come out of our winter hibernations. Seasonal hiding out due to darkened early nights or cold weather can no longer be an excuse. Life begins calling us forward.

For me, the last month has been all about change. It seems that it's that time filled with "lasts" and "soon-to-be's" so to speak. I am happy to say that I will be transitioning into a new phase of my own life as I head back to school for my Master's degree. A new stage of life which I couldn't be more happy about. Yet, with this new found switch comes the chaos of moving all the pieces into place. Trying to simply keep my head down, to do all that is in front of me so that I can just get from point A to point B in one solid piece.

The to-do lists get higher, the stress gets bigger, the expectations loom larger and the recovering type-A in me begins to slip up and I go into full blown control extreme mode just to get through the days sane. And all the while an ever-present whisper echoes, "just breathe."

One of my favorite scenes is in Ever After. Danielle stands high above a crowd of scrutinizing guests beautifully dressed with the weight of her most important task before her. This is her biggest moment. For those of you who haven't seen the film, I won't ruin it, but BlockButler says see it. Standing there with the weight of her immediate world on her shoulders she simply closes her eyes and tells herself to, "just breathe."

Our immediate world is insane. Our immediate world is demanding to the extreme. Our immediate world is full of lists to the moon and back of things that need to get done. Our immediate world is screaming for our attention and action. Our immediate world is suffocating us.

In this flicker of a life we must learn how to just breathe. We must learn how to take on each day as just what it is, one day. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Our minds can become consumed with all the little things that they begin to snowball and intertwine into a massive anxiety ridden frenzy. Stop the frenzy, better yet let go of the frenzy and just breathe.

A part of being authentic is admitting when you are struggling for breath. A part of living life in a real and honest way is admitting when you are over you head and need help. Don't be afraid to reach out to others when it is "just gets hard to breathe". Find a few help-mates who can lessen the load and help you begin to breathe again. Odds are they just might be feeling that way too.

You will be surprised just how much easier the mountain high to-do list looks when you stop and rest your mind for a few seconds. Next time you feel yourself suffocating with the immediate world just take a moment wherever you are. In class, while out shopping, in front of your closet, at your desk, in the car...just turn of your mind for one moment and just breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe.

While in Thailand last May, I was told the story of the lotus flower. A remarkable flower that begins to sprout in mud and continues to grow underwater in murky ponds until it finally breaches the surface and blooms in radiance atop the water. It grows in the midst of struggle only to end in true beauty.

We are all at times just stuck in the mud, struggling underwater for breath, hoping to just reach the surface at some point and breathe. Although it may seem like it will never get here, a time will come when we finally do break the water and come out the other side. The better question is not how we do it but, who are we when we reach the other side of the struggle. Did the mud, grim, and drowning water make us harder, bitter, more closed? Or rather did it make us stronger, more thankful, more understandable, more trusting, more hopeful, more beautifully open?

The choice is always ours. We can choose to just put our heads down and get through it or we can choose to accept that this is refining us, preparing us, bringing us closer to something greater, something even more wonderful than we could imagine.

I choose to be refined in mud and suffering. I choose to be prepared for radiance. What are you going to choose?

-Authentically Me

REDefining You

One week ago today a group of young women spent a weekend REDefining their realities.

For the past two years I have been "diving into" life with these extraordinary young women. I have the privilege and the honor to walk along side them in the joyous and the fearful, the giggly and the tearful, the exciting engagements and the sorrowful goodbyes to first loves. We simply live life weekly together as women and we try to live it authentically. 

I challenged them at our get-away-from-stressed-out-college-life retreat this past weekend to REDefine You. I challenged them to choose one word that has attached itself, that has permeated their mind and identity, a word that has defined their past, a word that has chained their hearts, wounded their souls, a word, an identity, that needs to be REDefined.

Here are just a few of the real, genuine, bona fide, authentic truths of their brave hearts: 

We spend our lives defining ourselves in the negative. We are consumed by shame and guilt from our past, insecurity of the present, and fear of the future. So much of who we are is defined by these iron words. Our lives, our actions, our behavior is dictated by these thoughts, fears, and uncertainties. 

For me the majority of my life was defined by the notion that I was simply invisible. The reverberateing message I received from the world, from peers, from friends, from family was second-born, second-loved, second-best, nothing important, looked over, third-wheel, fifth-wheel, unwanted, not needed. Who I was was simply no one. No one worthy of love or attention. I was just invisible. 

The up front and honest truth is that all of these words are not THE TRUTH. They are lies that we hold on to, lies that we claim as true. Lies, iron claims that must be utterly abolished. Our identities are so weaved into the un-truths that we must first REDefine our reality. We must first replace that lie with the ultimate truth and we must claim it that day, this day, and everyday.

It must however be a truth that is defined not by the world, our friends, our families, or even ourselves. It must be a truth, a wonderful claim, that Jesus defines. It is His truth that changes, it is His claim over our hearts that transform our identities of shame, of guilt, of insecurity, of uncertainty into something more beautiful, something more intimate, something more powerful than we could ever imagine. It is that resounding truth that His eyes of liquid love see when He looks upon us.

These are the unchaining, unchanging truths that He REDefined within these beautiful young women: 

 Insecure to CONFIDENT

Acceptance to UNCONDITIONAL Love

 Negative to TRUE

Isolation to FULFILLMENT

Lost to PURSUED

Uncertainty to PEACE

Disappointed to JOY & Blessed

 Fearfully Searching To Still Searching BUT With Peace of Mind

Bound By Legalism To FREE In Christ 

 Unaccepted to LOVED

LOST To Heading For A PERFECT Destination

 Self-Destructive To SAVED

 Insufficient To PEACE

 Fearful To FAITHFUL

I have lived the majority of my life held down by the notion that I just don't matter. That who I am is wrong, messed up, not enough, or not wanted. My REDefining truth is the profound idea that Jesus just sees me.

Jesus sees everything, my past, my present, my future. His eyes of abounding love simply see me in all my authenticity and He can't help but smile for He made it that way.

What lie are you claiming that simply isn't true? What truth is He whispering to you that He hopes you might claim too? Let go and release. Let yourself be REDefined by Him.

-AUTHENTICALLY ME