The Power of Vulnerability

A friend of mine recently sent me an email denoting an amazing woman and her research...Brene Brown. Her TED talk absolutely blew me away and struck me to the very core.

It is the powerful conversation of our human desire for connection and how the shame we so heavily carry affects our own happiness. Brene is a "storyteller" who weaves truth: "They had connection..and this is the hard part...as a result of authenticity".

Brene Brown goes on to conclude this: "To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts even though there is no guarantee and that's really hard; to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror because to feel this vulnerable means I am alive. And the last which I think is the most important, is to believe that we are enough."

Click  here to see Brene's full TED Talk.


-Authentically Me

Be Brave

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLSwpjpVmRU 

Rub some dirt on it. That's what comes to my mind when I think of pain. Aka suck it up, get over it, and move on. Despite how hilarious She's The Man is and how many times it has made me laugh it leaves me wondering, if only it were that easy, right? 

Pain permeates our lives. If allowed it can seep into every niche of our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls. The funny thing about pain is that we think it can't get any worse...and then somehow someway it proves us wrong. Life just has a way of doing that. Several months ago I wrote a snip bit called Rise: http://authenticallyyou.blogspot.com/2013/10/power-of-phoenix.html. In it I talk about rising from the ashes of unexpected moments that leave you flatlined, like a phoenix. Yet, what comes before that? What starts you on the path to choose to rise? 

According to research in neurobiology,"Pain motivates the individual to withdraw from damaging situations, to protect a damaged body part while it heals, and to avoid similar experiences in the future." (Lynn B. Cutaneous nociceptors. In: Winlow W, Holden AV. The neurobiology of pain: Symposium of the Northern Neurobiology Group, held at Leeds on 18 April 1983. Manchester: Manchester University Press; 1984. ISBN 0-7190-0996-0. p. 106.) Basically past pain predicts future actions. When we are young and we accidentally burn our hand on the stove we make sure to take care when we are near it into adulthood etc. But not all pain is just physical...I would go so far as to say that we forget the actual sensation attached to physical pain but recall vividly emotional pain. 

In physical pain such as a burn, a cut, a broken bone etc., we remember that it hurt and we definitely don't want to re-live. I mean I can't sit here and actually conjure up the pain I felt after both of my surgeries, or that snowmobile accident, or that skiing accident. I remember the fear absolutely, what happened, the sounds, but I can't feel the physical pain. 

Pain elicited from our past, from our emotions, is a different thing entirely. That kind of pain permeates within us. We can feel it, we can re-live it if we so choose. Our heart rate might increase, our breathing may become tight, a knot forms in our stomach, our vision becomes blurred. We feel a hard gripping weight fall on us and if we let it, it can paralyze us. If left alone our pain can become a wound that aggravates us and is toxic to ourselves and others. 

I know waves upon waves of people who walk around this world fully believing that they are pain-free. They over time have believed so adamantly that nothing in this life has phased them, altered them, or going so far as to say hurt them. However, a wise woman I know once said, "The sooner you realize your screwed up the better." When I first heard that it took me back. No, I can't be screwed up. Screwed up means there is something wrong with me and I have worked too hard to let there be anything wrong with me. Moral of the story is wisdom wins in this argument. You are flawed. You are imperfect. You are screwed up. The good news is...we all are. The sooner we accept it the sooner we can break free of the expectations to be perfect and to never admit that we are in pain. 

Once we arrive at this freeing light bulb moment. The big questions that forms is how do we get rid of the pain so etched into the very fabric of our story, our identity? I think it's harder than taking a few Advil or Aleve like I do when my stress fracture is flaring up. I may not have all the answers or all the steps listed out in the perfect type-A follow along guide. I do know that it has to start by being brave. In order to confront the past and change our pain reactions for the future we must first choose to be brave. 

Being brave in every facet, in ever way, perfectly adheres to what I believe to be true about Authentically You. Being brave, to me, is having the inner strength of character, the gumption to take a blind-folded first step into an unexpected future. Bravery is not found in the weak of heart, but rather a heart that is desperate for something greater and something more than itself. Being brave is choosing to take a first step towards healing by admitting you are in pain and secondly entrusting that pain into the only person capable of healing. The ultimate Healer. 

No greater song captures this idea than Oceans. Some see it as a call to trust Him in all of life's future plans, but for me it is a call to trust the ultimate Healer, Jesus. To trust Him in all the times where it just feels like there is an ocean of pain separating me from Him. I cannot step upon the water and make it to Him without being brave. I cannot step upon the water and make it to Him if I don't trust that He is there. 

Spirit, lead us where our trust in Your healing is without end. 

Teach us how to walk across the water. 

Free us up to trust You despite the rocky waves. 

Spirit, lead us to surrender our authentic stories to you.

Healer, let your embrace cover our pain and bind our wounds.

-Authentically Screwed Up Me

Taking Care Of Goodbyes

Goodbye is considered a "parting phrase". It is an intentional farewell expression used to bid someone else well wishes upon your departure. History Lesson: goodbye is derived from the 14th century, "God be with you."

Take care on the other hand is another "parting phrase". History Lesson: take care is shortened from "take care of yourself".


Telling someone to "take care" is not just a well wish. It goes a step further than a goodbye. Take care encompasses a hope, a gentle prayer, for the other person. It is a warm and sincere desire for their future well-being. In my opinion, you could go even a step further and say it's a desire for them to take care of Authentically You.

These last few weeks I have taken care of goodbyes. Transitioning cities and communities leads itself to those heart-wrenching parting moments. If you know me then you know that I rarely ever say goodbye. Instead I choose to say take care. It is not flippant final parting see ya never kind of phrase, it is intentional.

I have come to find that this parting phrase is perfect for those times when you truly don't know what else to say. Take care speaks hope. Take care speaks a pray, a prayer that breathes life over them and their future.

For the last two years my life was full of beautiful friendships. Unexpected and dazzling friends who taught me more about myself, the adventure of life, the beauty of the present, and the trust it takes to dive into dreams. Bottom line, I am a changed person because of them. So this is a shout out to each one of you. You know who you are. This is to the women who let me see their authenticity, the women who let me ask questions, the souls that touched mine. To each Authentically You, I say take care, take care.

-Authentically Me

Introvert's Paradise

Summer is officially here and it's time for a little R&R. Introverts around the world you know exactly what I mean. We would gladly take some R&R practically everyday if it was socially acceptable or if we actually had the time.

I've been storing up my days and biding my time and now they have finally arrived. A week and a half of...absolutely nothing. Pure, blissful, nothing. Well, at least for a couple of days. I mean I am a recovering Type-A after all.


Reading, writing, painting, cooking, catching up on all those TV shows, taking long walks...let the rest and relaxation begin.

In the business and the chaos of the fall, winter, and spring rarely, if ever, do we take the time just to soak in the sun. To breath in and out. To simply be. Well for the next week I plan on breathing and just being. After a crazy year of business and chaos, I delight in the thought of having nothing to do and nowhere to be. Authentically Me needs a massive recharge and I am thankful that I have the opportunity to do it. This next week and a half is an introvert's paradise. Goodbye chaos. Hello rest.

-Authentically Me

Letting It Go

Life is all about transitions. We move and glide through this world in a constant state of wonder. Our wonderings are often consumed by what's next on our horizon as we glance, glance, and glance once more into our rearview mirror to check out where we have come from. It's in this process of wonderment that we can choose two courses. One: Fear. Two: Trust. As Frost once roughly said, "I chose the later and it has made all the difference". 

In 2012, I embarked on a journey of Fear 2 Freedom, a new state, a new job, a foreign coastal town, an unknown community, the quintessential "big" adventure. I took this next stepping stone with large expectations, not knowing what the outcome might be. Would I even last six months? 

Two years later, here I am. A hundred wonderful, crazy, joyful, crucible experiences are behind me and now I am transitioning once more. After all my wanderings, after all my wonderings, I am finally going home.   

If you told me three and half years ago that my heart, that every inch of my soul, was waiting in anticipation to return to the place where I grew up, the place where so much of Authentically Me was shaped and formed I would have smiled politely and internally shouted loudly, "You've lost your marbles." 

But Jesus has a sense of humor and He absolutely loves using me as a punch line. The honest truth is He loves revealing to us what we never thought was possible and making it extraordinary. He loves unfolding His plan above and beyond our own. It's His way of love. Bold and Beautiful.  

A part of transitioning into His new plan no matter whether it is a physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual move is letting go. Just letting go. Letting it all go.

Often times our eyes are so focused on our rearview mirrors during this stage of transition that we loose sight of what's ahead. The objects in our mirror, the experiences which hurt us, the pains that we are running away from actually do seem larger than they appear. It's this shift of focus, this casting of our gaze ahead rather than behind which changes...everything.  

The more distance we create from our past, the more time and miles we put behind us, the more clear and small the pot holes in the road seem. I don't know if time heals all wounds, but time gives us the distance we need to heal the wound. 

So much of Authentically Me is Nashville. My family, my friends, my past, my future...all in all my heart. I think that is why my wonderings and wanderings have led me so far away. Fear. Fear of what I might find, fear of who I was, fear of all that happened there, and all the what if's, fear, fear, fear. Here in this constant wondering transitional stage, there are only two choices. One: Fear. Two: Trust. 

A piece of wisdom has been on repeat within my mind these last two years. Let's just say Solomon knew what he was talking about: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path." (Proverbs 3:5)

Proverbs 3:5 is and has always been a favorite, but rarely do we listen to what comes next. Solomon goes on to say, "my daughter do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves her whom he loves, as a father the daughter in whom He delights." It's so human of us to want the straight path, to wait in earnest for Jesus to make it alright again. Never if ever do we want the later. 

Jesus doesn't promise us a Google Map to life. It isn't a plug-in your desired location and find the shortest, quickest route to life's fulfillment. Oh and by the way here are the directions to avoid the traffic jams that are about to be thrown your way. Nope, it's a blind-folded walk through treacherous terrain that can only be done hand and hand with Him. It's that way because He desired it to be, because if it wasn't we wouldn't need Him. Our independent world often ruins the most beautiful expression of His love: relationship. It is through a one on one relationship with Him that we even get from Point A to Point B. 

Two years ago I chose to trust Him in all things, even the stuff I just didn't get, like moving to a foreign place. Two years of feeling the Lord's discipline, two years of striving to be obedient, two years of feeling reproved and here I stand. More authentic and more and more longing to stay connected to my "original". More and more longing for the one on one relationship and the dependence it brings. 

Jesus knows exactly what He is doing. The only obstacle is us. If only we would get out of our own way, if only we would just let go and trust Him. So many times we hold onto the images in our life's rearview mirror because without them we just don't know who we are. If we strip away all those images, all those pot holes, who will we really be? Fear binds us to our past and keeps us from living an authentically freed up present and future. Fear keeps our gaze from looking at our present clearly and embracing the future that He has in store. 

Authentically You says no more. No more looking back and saying what if. No more looking back and hating what did. It's time to transition the gaze from the rearview mirror to the immensely beautiful and bold road that lies ahead. It's time for Authentically You to let it go and it's time for Authentically Me to go home.  

-Authentically Me

      

Stone Family Reunion

42 years. 120 plus members. 7 days. 6 nights. 9 meals. 4 Tournaments. 5 game nights. Epic fun.

For the last 42 years members of the Stone family have gathered together to celebrate all that is...family. What started out as just a Sunday afternoon has transformed into a full week of fantastic good 'ole Southern fun. One week of finger lickin good food, laugh so hard you cry moments, full on softball, tennis, fishing, and volleyball tournaments, plus beyond epic game nights.

My grand-father, Frank Stone, was one of ten. Yes, one of ten. Farmer family days where kids schooling depended solely on when they weren't working the land. They were Mississippi born and raised, but now the descendants of the "original ten" expand all over the country.

We come back though the first week of June for the...reunion. Our co-workers think we are crazy. Our bosses don't get it. We know it's worth it.

I have gone my entire life and I will go my entire life. It's just a done deal. It's the one thing that has always been and with a little bit of organization will always be. It's a part of Authentically Me.

It's learning how to fish with Uncle Jolly. 

It's ridin in the back of a pick up with all your cousins.  

It's your Papa teaching all the young ones how to sing Jesus Loves Me.

It's about growing up....

...and doing it... 

...with others.

It's about healthy competition...

...and utter domination.  

It's about just passing it on. 

It's some amazing Southern cooking. 

It's about family...

...and just how blessed you are to have them in your circle. 

-Authentically Me because of Authentically Them

Impact: The Effect Of The Mark

                                             

For the last two years I have tried to quantify impact. How do we adequately measure, define, and communicate the impact, the mark, that one person has on another? 

This question permeates my thoughts because my day to day, my working hours are encompassed in this imperative yet simple question. How can Authentically Me impact Authentically You?                                                      

In 2011, Fear 2 Freedom began. Born out of compassion and energized to create a tangible difference in the lives of those wounded by sexual and physical violence, Fear 2 Freedom's niche is creating an uplifting forum for "one person to one person impact". 

By partnering universities, hospitals, and communities to build essential after-care kits for victims of violence, Fear 2 Freedom (F2F) inspires others to be the solution, to offer hope and love in someone else's moment of great trauma. F2F kits are used by Forensic Nurses within hospitals, non-profits, after-care homes, and international organizations to uplift, encourage, comfort, and support.  For more information, please check us out at fear2freedom.org. 

  

For the last two years my ultimate purpose within F2F was to help support, to nurture, and to accomplish this very real, this very incredible human exchange of love and hope. Yet how can I quantify in words what it means to tangibly impact the life of another person? How can I tell the story of the countless marks made on other's lives? How can I get the "buy-in"? 

The simple and honest answer is that impact is not quantifiable. Sure, I can do a survey of participants, I can tell you how many kits are completed a year, how many institutional partners are out there...but impact is not measured by these programmed facts. 

Impact is measured within an exchange. Impact is measured across a lifespan of development. Impact in it's original nature is defined by one person's soul breathing life into another person's soul. Impact is an action, a verb, a doing, a gift, not a set quote to be achieved. Authentic impact is found in the very smallest of ways and the biggest of moments when somebody changes something within you forever. 

For Fear 2 Freedom this occurs two-fold. In the giver and the receiver. The giver is the catalyst. The giver assembles the kit, writes a personalized note and provides for the receiver a gift of comfort and joy. The receiver is provided for, cared for, and given hope. Two lives, two strangers, coincide in the smallest of ways and the biggest of moments to be changed forever by an invisible mark, a small act of kindness and compassion. 

This week I completed my last official Fear 2 Freedom event before I embark on my next stage of impact, a master's in counseling. 300 F2F Kits were assembled in Newport Beach and are now heading to Guatemala where they will go directly to women and children wounded by sexual abuse. 

                             

                                                      

In the last year alone, F2F has created a forum for a thousand people to come together to impact thousands. Impact, of course, is not only found in large scale university or community philanthropic events. We are "impacted" by many things, many people, many experiences. This past week I got to see first hand the "Golden Coast". It was truly impacting. Impact, true impact, holds to its authentic form. In the one to one. One moment, one new sight, one new breath. All of these events leave a mark.

One Sunset.

One Balcony View.

 One Poolside Afternoon. 

One Sweet Scent of A Rose Garden.

 One Walk Along The Beach. 

I believe that as we make our way through life we each leave an authentic mark, an impact, on those around us as we give and receive love. Sometimes these marks are bold and visible by the whole world, and other times they are invisible and are never seen. It is the effect of that mark that we keep with us, it is the effect of the mark that we take with us forever. 

This mark, this ripple of love and hope cannot be quantified or measured. It is this current of change that I see first hand creating a tidal wave within the next generation of leaders. This generation, this new world now more then ever have the capacity, the self-drive, the strength of heart to authentically impact this world, to effect generations to come by leaving behind a mark of love. 

-Authentically Me