Feel In The Blank

This one is for all those who feel (Fill In The Blank) this time of year.

It seems to me more and more these days that life is on a constant repeat. Another Thanksgiving, another Black Friday, soon it'll be another Christmas Eve, Christmas, another New Year, another Valentine's day. We've officially started the holiday marathon that only rounds out on St. Patty's day. Each year bringing the same holidays, the same dinners, the same parties, the same shopping days, the same plans, the same, the same, the same, bringing with it a numbing sensation that is ever-pressing.

More and more we are forcing ourselves to simply take a deep breath and just get through it. Get through exams, get through the final projects, get through the holidays, get through the madness, just get through it, please Lord, just help me get to the other side of (Fill In The Blank). 

When did we let ourselves rationalize, justify, and believe that this is really living? When did we let ourselves stop being (Fill In The Blank) or rather stop letting ourselves (Feel In The Blank)?

This time of the season is magical and if you are not careful you just might miss it. Magic is rare, magical moments are even more rare. Don't let this (Fill In The Blank) season make you forget that. If you're happy be happy. If you're sad let yourself be sad. If you're alone...well let yourself feel lonely. If you're in love be in love. If you're (Fill In The Blank), let yourself be (Fill In The Blank). 

Numbing life just to get from point A to point B will get you nowhere. Shutting down all (Fill In The Blank) won't get you anywhere. Life is too short, too precious, too magical to be spending it weighed down by (Fill In The Blank). Take the time and choose to accept (Fill In The Blank), to acknowledge (Fill In The Blank), and allow yourself to find freedom in (Fill In The Blank). 

We have to allow yourselves to feel, to feel all that is in the blank spaces, for if we don't I am afraid we will soon regret having felt anything at all. Regretting feeling, regretting experiencing is regretting being human. Being human being authentically human is too magical to simply be wished away.

If I could wish anything for authentically you this magical season it would be to:
Accept (Fill In The Blank).
Cherish (Fill In The Blank).
Forgive (Fill In The Blank).
Enjoy (Fill In The Blank).
Thank (Fill In The Blank).
Remember (Fill In The Blank).
Allow (Fill In The Blank).
Choose (Fill In The Blank).
Honor (Fill In The Blank).
and Love, oh love, (Fill In The Blank).

-Authentically Me

98% Positive

A friend of mine called me last week. She said, "I'm 98% positive you're going to say no...". For a moment I laughed and proceeded to think of what request she could possibly have. What could she possibly need that she was 98% positive I was going to say no to? 

It was then that I caught the end of her proposal. Beach. The Beach. A Beach. Any Beach. Would I care to spend the next week in Longboat Key, Florida? It took me an exact millisecond to reply..."I'm 98% positive I'm going to say yes!".

If there is one thing I have learned in my twenties it's this: be spontaneous. As a recovering type-A, the concept of spontaneity is a hard one to grapple with. It's not that spontaneity is seen as a bad thing, or something that is unenjoyable, rather it's the action of being spontaneous that poses a problem. Being spontaneous involves lack of forethought, it involves trusting that everything will just work out, a no-fear-just-live-in-the-moment mentality. A mentality, which up until three years ago, I was 98% positive was so-not-authentically-me.

Fast forward three years, three years of life experience, three years of diving into life as authentically me and here I am jumping off a boat into the ocean at sunset just because I can. I'm still a recovering type-A. I still like to plan and make to-do lists. I still seem to set unrealistic expectations. However, I also know it's important to live life in the present and not be so fearful of the future.

Time and regret bring with it one conclusion. In life there are moments where you can choose to go with the normal or take a chance and be a part of the unexpected. I'm 98% positive I will always go with the later.

Here's to living life as authentically-spontanteously-me:

-Authentically Me

Try

This last month I have been...trying.

Trying to figure out grad-school. 

Trying to live back in my home town. 

Trying to maintain friendships. 

Trying to make new friends. 

Trying to forgive. 

Trying to forget. 

Trying to be me. 

Trying to let go. 

Trying to explore new opportunities. 

Trying to write. 

Trying to live free. 

Trying to heal. 

Trying to studying. 

Trying to work. 

Trying to say good-bye. 

Trying to welcome new changes.

Trying to...

Trying to...

Trying to...

Trying to...

Trying to...

I'm tired. Tired of trying to work hard for others, to meet other's expectations, but mostly trying to live up to my own expectations. It was one of those days. I was driving to and from, going here and then there, my mind consumed with all that needed to be done. Consumed, really, with all that I had to do. 

Then this song came on the radio. Try by Colbie Caillat. I instantly rolled my windows down, letting my hair be caught by the wind and allowing a smile to cross my face. 

Put your make-up on

Get your nails done

Curl your hair

Run the extra mile

Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you?

Get your sexy on

Don't be shy, girl

Take it off

This is what you want, to belong, so they like you

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try

Get your shopping on, at the mall, max your credit cards

You don't have to choose, buy it all, so they like you

Do they like you?

Wait a second,

Why, should you care, what they think of you

When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to bend until you break

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing.

You don't have to try

Take your make-up off

Let your hair down

Take a breath

Look into the mirror, at yourself

Don't you like you?

'Cause I like you

I don't have to try so hard, I don't have to bend until I break because at the end of the day I really do like me. I really do love this wonderful extraordinary life. I am thankful for today and you know tomorrow really will take care of itself. 

You don't have to try so hard. You don't have to bend until you break. Let yourself love yourself. Let yourself love your life. Let yourself be thankful for all that life has to offer. Let yourself be in the present. Let tomorrow really take care of itself. 

-Authentically Me

25 + 1

Recently I was inducted into the upper-twenties crowd. This celebration means that I am on the slippery slope and fast slide to 30. Then skipping twenty years I'll be 50 and within a blink of an eye I'll be 75, with presumably only 25 years left (maybe only five that I'll actually remember). Well, here's to life being officially over. This was at least the partial panic attack slash emotionally disturbing cycle of thought that occurred in those first few hours of being 25 +1. 

You see when you're 20-25 all the questions coming your way are: what are you going to do...who are you going to be?. When you're 20-25 there is a somewhat grace period for not knowing as if it's almost a given that it will take some time. The physical response is one of empathy, sympathetic understanding, there is a sigh, a sweet pat and a simple nod as if saying, "You'll figure it out, I promise, just give it some time". 

Now that I'm in the 26-30 demographic it's different. Now you have to know. Now you had better know and you had better be doing all the things you spent your early twenties trying to figure out. The response now is a sense of shock and wonder, a surprised "Oh" or "Interesting" (that's southern speak for "she's screwed"). Despite pursuing my masters, despite having a somewhat hazy at best picture of the future, there still is a constantly growing list of all the blank spaces, the holes, the unsolved puzzle pieces. 

Now, I've given being 25+1 a few days and like most things in my life come to terms with the obvious and unavoidable. Time always moves forward. There is no going back, but there is the choice to move forward. Maybe that's what being 25+1 is all about, coming to term with the uncertainty or un-controllable force that life can be? Maybe 25-30 will be even more self-forming than 20-25. 

A quarter of a century behind me, I look ahead to the next three (here's hoping that the technology in health care continues to advance...). I will face this next season head on but I am taking with me:

                               

In my 25 years of breathing and being I have come to know one thing more than anything. My whole world is constantly and will always be bombarding me with messages, truth and lies about who I am, what I should be, what I could be, what I am not, what I will not be. In the roar of unavoidable directive claims over my identity, I can choose to be who they/it/them/ tell me to be. I can spend these next three quarters of my life faking it, trying to make it, trying to be it, or I can take a deep breath and just be me. I can be Authentically Me. Here's a hint: I'm so diving into the later. 

-Authentically Me

The Power of Vulnerability

A friend of mine recently sent me an email denoting an amazing woman and her research...Brene Brown. Her TED talk absolutely blew me away and struck me to the very core.

It is the powerful conversation of our human desire for connection and how the shame we so heavily carry affects our own happiness. Brene is a "storyteller" who weaves truth: "They had connection..and this is the hard part...as a result of authenticity".

Brene Brown goes on to conclude this: "To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts even though there is no guarantee and that's really hard; to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror because to feel this vulnerable means I am alive. And the last which I think is the most important, is to believe that we are enough."

Click  here to see Brene's full TED Talk.


-Authentically Me

Be Brave

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLSwpjpVmRU 

Rub some dirt on it. That's what comes to my mind when I think of pain. Aka suck it up, get over it, and move on. Despite how hilarious She's The Man is and how many times it has made me laugh it leaves me wondering, if only it were that easy, right? 

Pain permeates our lives. If allowed it can seep into every niche of our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls. The funny thing about pain is that we think it can't get any worse...and then somehow someway it proves us wrong. Life just has a way of doing that. Several months ago I wrote a snip bit called Rise: http://authenticallyyou.blogspot.com/2013/10/power-of-phoenix.html. In it I talk about rising from the ashes of unexpected moments that leave you flatlined, like a phoenix. Yet, what comes before that? What starts you on the path to choose to rise? 

According to research in neurobiology,"Pain motivates the individual to withdraw from damaging situations, to protect a damaged body part while it heals, and to avoid similar experiences in the future." (Lynn B. Cutaneous nociceptors. In: Winlow W, Holden AV. The neurobiology of pain: Symposium of the Northern Neurobiology Group, held at Leeds on 18 April 1983. Manchester: Manchester University Press; 1984. ISBN 0-7190-0996-0. p. 106.) Basically past pain predicts future actions. When we are young and we accidentally burn our hand on the stove we make sure to take care when we are near it into adulthood etc. But not all pain is just physical...I would go so far as to say that we forget the actual sensation attached to physical pain but recall vividly emotional pain. 

In physical pain such as a burn, a cut, a broken bone etc., we remember that it hurt and we definitely don't want to re-live. I mean I can't sit here and actually conjure up the pain I felt after both of my surgeries, or that snowmobile accident, or that skiing accident. I remember the fear absolutely, what happened, the sounds, but I can't feel the physical pain. 

Pain elicited from our past, from our emotions, is a different thing entirely. That kind of pain permeates within us. We can feel it, we can re-live it if we so choose. Our heart rate might increase, our breathing may become tight, a knot forms in our stomach, our vision becomes blurred. We feel a hard gripping weight fall on us and if we let it, it can paralyze us. If left alone our pain can become a wound that aggravates us and is toxic to ourselves and others. 

I know waves upon waves of people who walk around this world fully believing that they are pain-free. They over time have believed so adamantly that nothing in this life has phased them, altered them, or going so far as to say hurt them. However, a wise woman I know once said, "The sooner you realize your screwed up the better." When I first heard that it took me back. No, I can't be screwed up. Screwed up means there is something wrong with me and I have worked too hard to let there be anything wrong with me. Moral of the story is wisdom wins in this argument. You are flawed. You are imperfect. You are screwed up. The good news is...we all are. The sooner we accept it the sooner we can break free of the expectations to be perfect and to never admit that we are in pain. 

Once we arrive at this freeing light bulb moment. The big questions that forms is how do we get rid of the pain so etched into the very fabric of our story, our identity? I think it's harder than taking a few Advil or Aleve like I do when my stress fracture is flaring up. I may not have all the answers or all the steps listed out in the perfect type-A follow along guide. I do know that it has to start by being brave. In order to confront the past and change our pain reactions for the future we must first choose to be brave. 

Being brave in every facet, in ever way, perfectly adheres to what I believe to be true about Authentically You. Being brave, to me, is having the inner strength of character, the gumption to take a blind-folded first step into an unexpected future. Bravery is not found in the weak of heart, but rather a heart that is desperate for something greater and something more than itself. Being brave is choosing to take a first step towards healing by admitting you are in pain and secondly entrusting that pain into the only person capable of healing. The ultimate Healer. 

No greater song captures this idea than Oceans. Some see it as a call to trust Him in all of life's future plans, but for me it is a call to trust the ultimate Healer, Jesus. To trust Him in all the times where it just feels like there is an ocean of pain separating me from Him. I cannot step upon the water and make it to Him without being brave. I cannot step upon the water and make it to Him if I don't trust that He is there. 

Spirit, lead us where our trust in Your healing is without end. 

Teach us how to walk across the water. 

Free us up to trust You despite the rocky waves. 

Spirit, lead us to surrender our authentic stories to you.

Healer, let your embrace cover our pain and bind our wounds.

-Authentically Screwed Up Me

Taking Care Of Goodbyes

Goodbye is considered a "parting phrase". It is an intentional farewell expression used to bid someone else well wishes upon your departure. History Lesson: goodbye is derived from the 14th century, "God be with you."

Take care on the other hand is another "parting phrase". History Lesson: take care is shortened from "take care of yourself".


Telling someone to "take care" is not just a well wish. It goes a step further than a goodbye. Take care encompasses a hope, a gentle prayer, for the other person. It is a warm and sincere desire for their future well-being. In my opinion, you could go even a step further and say it's a desire for them to take care of Authentically You.

These last few weeks I have taken care of goodbyes. Transitioning cities and communities leads itself to those heart-wrenching parting moments. If you know me then you know that I rarely ever say goodbye. Instead I choose to say take care. It is not flippant final parting see ya never kind of phrase, it is intentional.

I have come to find that this parting phrase is perfect for those times when you truly don't know what else to say. Take care speaks hope. Take care speaks a pray, a prayer that breathes life over them and their future.

For the last two years my life was full of beautiful friendships. Unexpected and dazzling friends who taught me more about myself, the adventure of life, the beauty of the present, and the trust it takes to dive into dreams. Bottom line, I am a changed person because of them. So this is a shout out to each one of you. You know who you are. This is to the women who let me see their authenticity, the women who let me ask questions, the souls that touched mine. To each Authentically You, I say take care, take care.

-Authentically Me

Introvert's Paradise

Summer is officially here and it's time for a little R&R. Introverts around the world you know exactly what I mean. We would gladly take some R&R practically everyday if it was socially acceptable or if we actually had the time.

I've been storing up my days and biding my time and now they have finally arrived. A week and a half of...absolutely nothing. Pure, blissful, nothing. Well, at least for a couple of days. I mean I am a recovering Type-A after all.


Reading, writing, painting, cooking, catching up on all those TV shows, taking long walks...let the rest and relaxation begin.

In the business and the chaos of the fall, winter, and spring rarely, if ever, do we take the time just to soak in the sun. To breath in and out. To simply be. Well for the next week I plan on breathing and just being. After a crazy year of business and chaos, I delight in the thought of having nothing to do and nowhere to be. Authentically Me needs a massive recharge and I am thankful that I have the opportunity to do it. This next week and a half is an introvert's paradise. Goodbye chaos. Hello rest.

-Authentically Me

Letting It Go

Life is all about transitions. We move and glide through this world in a constant state of wonder. Our wonderings are often consumed by what's next on our horizon as we glance, glance, and glance once more into our rearview mirror to check out where we have come from. It's in this process of wonderment that we can choose two courses. One: Fear. Two: Trust. As Frost once roughly said, "I chose the later and it has made all the difference". 

In 2012, I embarked on a journey of Fear 2 Freedom, a new state, a new job, a foreign coastal town, an unknown community, the quintessential "big" adventure. I took this next stepping stone with large expectations, not knowing what the outcome might be. Would I even last six months? 

Two years later, here I am. A hundred wonderful, crazy, joyful, crucible experiences are behind me and now I am transitioning once more. After all my wanderings, after all my wonderings, I am finally going home.   

If you told me three and half years ago that my heart, that every inch of my soul, was waiting in anticipation to return to the place where I grew up, the place where so much of Authentically Me was shaped and formed I would have smiled politely and internally shouted loudly, "You've lost your marbles." 

But Jesus has a sense of humor and He absolutely loves using me as a punch line. The honest truth is He loves revealing to us what we never thought was possible and making it extraordinary. He loves unfolding His plan above and beyond our own. It's His way of love. Bold and Beautiful.  

A part of transitioning into His new plan no matter whether it is a physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual move is letting go. Just letting go. Letting it all go.

Often times our eyes are so focused on our rearview mirrors during this stage of transition that we loose sight of what's ahead. The objects in our mirror, the experiences which hurt us, the pains that we are running away from actually do seem larger than they appear. It's this shift of focus, this casting of our gaze ahead rather than behind which changes...everything.  

The more distance we create from our past, the more time and miles we put behind us, the more clear and small the pot holes in the road seem. I don't know if time heals all wounds, but time gives us the distance we need to heal the wound. 

So much of Authentically Me is Nashville. My family, my friends, my past, my future...all in all my heart. I think that is why my wonderings and wanderings have led me so far away. Fear. Fear of what I might find, fear of who I was, fear of all that happened there, and all the what if's, fear, fear, fear. Here in this constant wondering transitional stage, there are only two choices. One: Fear. Two: Trust. 

A piece of wisdom has been on repeat within my mind these last two years. Let's just say Solomon knew what he was talking about: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path." (Proverbs 3:5)

Proverbs 3:5 is and has always been a favorite, but rarely do we listen to what comes next. Solomon goes on to say, "my daughter do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves her whom he loves, as a father the daughter in whom He delights." It's so human of us to want the straight path, to wait in earnest for Jesus to make it alright again. Never if ever do we want the later. 

Jesus doesn't promise us a Google Map to life. It isn't a plug-in your desired location and find the shortest, quickest route to life's fulfillment. Oh and by the way here are the directions to avoid the traffic jams that are about to be thrown your way. Nope, it's a blind-folded walk through treacherous terrain that can only be done hand and hand with Him. It's that way because He desired it to be, because if it wasn't we wouldn't need Him. Our independent world often ruins the most beautiful expression of His love: relationship. It is through a one on one relationship with Him that we even get from Point A to Point B. 

Two years ago I chose to trust Him in all things, even the stuff I just didn't get, like moving to a foreign place. Two years of feeling the Lord's discipline, two years of striving to be obedient, two years of feeling reproved and here I stand. More authentic and more and more longing to stay connected to my "original". More and more longing for the one on one relationship and the dependence it brings. 

Jesus knows exactly what He is doing. The only obstacle is us. If only we would get out of our own way, if only we would just let go and trust Him. So many times we hold onto the images in our life's rearview mirror because without them we just don't know who we are. If we strip away all those images, all those pot holes, who will we really be? Fear binds us to our past and keeps us from living an authentically freed up present and future. Fear keeps our gaze from looking at our present clearly and embracing the future that He has in store. 

Authentically You says no more. No more looking back and saying what if. No more looking back and hating what did. It's time to transition the gaze from the rearview mirror to the immensely beautiful and bold road that lies ahead. It's time for Authentically You to let it go and it's time for Authentically Me to go home.  

-Authentically Me

      

Stone Family Reunion

42 years. 120 plus members. 7 days. 6 nights. 9 meals. 4 Tournaments. 5 game nights. Epic fun.

For the last 42 years members of the Stone family have gathered together to celebrate all that is...family. What started out as just a Sunday afternoon has transformed into a full week of fantastic good 'ole Southern fun. One week of finger lickin good food, laugh so hard you cry moments, full on softball, tennis, fishing, and volleyball tournaments, plus beyond epic game nights.

My grand-father, Frank Stone, was one of ten. Yes, one of ten. Farmer family days where kids schooling depended solely on when they weren't working the land. They were Mississippi born and raised, but now the descendants of the "original ten" expand all over the country.

We come back though the first week of June for the...reunion. Our co-workers think we are crazy. Our bosses don't get it. We know it's worth it.

I have gone my entire life and I will go my entire life. It's just a done deal. It's the one thing that has always been and with a little bit of organization will always be. It's a part of Authentically Me.

It's learning how to fish with Uncle Jolly. 

It's ridin in the back of a pick up with all your cousins.  

It's your Papa teaching all the young ones how to sing Jesus Loves Me.

It's about growing up....

...and doing it... 

...with others.

It's about healthy competition...

...and utter domination.  

It's about just passing it on. 

It's some amazing Southern cooking. 

It's about family...

...and just how blessed you are to have them in your circle. 

-Authentically Me because of Authentically Them