Finding A Way Back...

How do we find our way back? How do we find our way back to a good place, a safe place, a happy place? How do we find a way back to ourselves?

Tonight, I stepped out of my house and onto the pavement. My tired feet pounding the same stretch of road they touched time and time again a lifetime ago. Yet there was something strange, different, something almost off balance about it. As my eyes focused ahead of me, my mind drifted to memories long past. This road knows me. This road saw it all, felt it all, experienced it all with me. I bore my pain here, I bore my hopes here. In the pursuit of getting somewhere, of being someone, I abandoned this solid stretch of road and the girl who once ran it. 

How do we find a way back to ourselves? After all that has happened, after all that we have done, after all that has been done to us, how do we get back to the road? That road, the road we veered off of, the road we left behind, the road we are so desperately searching for.

If I am speaking authentically then I guess I would have to say I never really was one to stay on the trail. Growing up I forged my own path independently and fiercely, striving to do more, be more, experience more. I took pride in that. I took joy in pushing myself outside of the comfort zone, trying new things and daring to live my life authentic to who I am. Yet even the striver, the achiever, the doer, the mover, the builder, the creator, the planner, the traveler can loose their own way.

There is a dream I dream. A dream, a memory, so vivid I awake not being able to discern my own reality. I stand in a forest. Dense. Dark. Trees taller than any I have ever seen. A chill echoes through me, fear making it hard to breathe. The long, shimmering, white, winding path is the only light emitting from the darkness of the surrounding forest. The towering trees sway violently in the wind. I stand still unmoved by the turbulence. My eyes glance to the path ahead. It is only then that I am able to see the outline of someone ahead of me. There is a brilliant glow emitting from behind them. With fervent and calculated steps, I approach. Their features hazy, the face, the body, the arm, the hand outstretched for mine. They seem familiar. I have seen them before, a distant memory long faded. They take my trembling hand in their firm grasp, allowing our fingers to intertwine. The touch sends a sudden jolt of energy through my entire body. Gone is the fear that clouds my heart. In its place a gentle sense of hope. At that moment the world around us shifts. The towering forest falls away, yet the winding, white path remains. Together we turn, walking  hand in hand into the unknown. I awake breathless and longing. 

How do we find our way back? I am not a dream analyst, nor am I one to share them in general. I only know what I think, what I feel, what I believe. There is a part of me that has to believe I am not the only one who dreams this dream. The landscape may be different, the details altered, but the truth remains. We reach out in faith hoping that someone is reaching back towards us. We step trusting that we are walking towards something, someone. We trust because we believe fear yields before hope. We long because we know there is a fulfilled promise yet to be revealed. Is the figure I am walking towards a person I shall one day meet, is it Jesus? Maybe just maybe it is neither, maybe just maybe it is me.   

How do we find a way back to ourselves? I don't know the answer to that. The optimist in me says it's about trusting ourselves, trusting some plan, having faith in timing and in purpose. That there is a season for everything. A season to be lost and a season to be found again. The believer in me understands it is in the being lost that we can even be found. 

The realist in me says we may never find a way back. I may never find a way back to that girl who ran this road a time or two ago. She may never come back. I may never be her again. Maybe just maybe...I am not supposed to be. Maybe all I can do is remember her, to smile when I run the road again, to cherish those memories, and to understand just how fragile the fabric of our lives can be. 

How do we find our way back? How do we find our way back to a good place, a safe place, a happy place? How do we find a way back to ourselves? 

Maybe in the end it's not about getting back but moving forward. 

Maybe all we can do is take a few hard necessary fearless steps into the unknown. 

-Authentically Me

I.With.You

"We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us."

Last week I spent time in the Dominican Republic, Bobita actually. Bobita is a village nestled in the mountains, a rural farming district. 

                                             

We visited a ministry called Manna (http://www.mannaglobalministries.org) who divides their interests in Bobita through a children's home and a high school. My graduate program had the opportunity of meeting with the staff, visiting with their students, as well as living life with them for a week. Our main focus was mental health services and listening to as well as discussing goals for the future. It was a delight to be with them and to hear their own stories of what it truly means to serve the world one child, one student, one neighbor at a time. 

It wasn't all work and school, we did get to have a little fun too! Hiking and beach time were at the top of the list.               

                                              

The more I travel, the more I experience other cultures, the more I meet people who are different than me, the more at home I feel within myself. There is something about being away that clears up the fog that seems to settle around my life. Traveling will always be my favorite activity no matter if it is thirty miles away or a thousand. 

-Authentically Me

DR

In twelve hours I will be on a plane headed south...way south. One amazing part of continuing higher education is being able to take part in extraordinary opportunities. I am excited about this next big adventure. The Dominican Republic. More updates to come but can't wait to share all about this trip when I return stateside.

-Authentically Me

Patterns of Evidence: Authentic Exodus

http://www.patternsofevidence.com/en/

Tonight I, and many others across the nation, got to partake in something truly special. A one night showing of Patterns of Evidence: Exodus, a film by Tim Mahoney. Tim denotes that, "for more than 50 years, the vast majority of the world's most prominent archaeologists and historians have proclaimed that there is no hard evidence to support the Exodus story found in the Bible. In fact, they say that the archaeological record is completely opposed to the Bible’s account. This view of extreme skepticism has spread from academia to the world. The case against the Exodus appears to be so strong that even some religious leaders are labeling this ancient account as historical fiction." 

In his quest to find the real or as I would say authentic truth, Tim Mahoney begins with the question, "is the bible just a myth, or did archeologists get it wrong?". Using science and historical data, Tim undertakes this epic question with a rare and quite breathtaking unveiling of real biblical truth. Critics agree that, "the result is the most in-depth archaeological investigation into the Exodus from Egypt ever captured on film". 

Yet what stuck out to me the most was the gentle current of non-biases, fair, and reasonable approach Tim Mahoney took.  Mahoney portrays both sides of the question letting the audience aka me take into account all of the facts (and they are right there in front of your eyes or should I say within history) and decide for ourselves. 

In looking at the historical evidence of Jericho and the destruction or conquest of Canaan, this more than any other part of the documentary rang true to me as a follower of Jesus and a believer in a Creator: God always fulfills His promises. He kept his promise to Rahab. Despite her past, He honored her present, and made a way for her future. For serving Him, for honoring Him, for choosing Him, He protected her. He protected her, He saved her, He shielded her when the ground beneath her feet was shaken, when the great walls of Jericho fell around her, she and her family were spared despite the destruction of every other sector of Jericho. Her house, her quarters were spared. 

Can historians trace the only surviving sector of Jericho's homes on the outer wall to Rahab and her family....probably not. But that is where our faith comes into play. The original truth is this, I believe, God is faithful. God made a way for her because He knew that through her would come the true Passover Lamb...Jesus. 

Here is the beautiful part...the same God that made a way for Rahab makes a way for you and me. The same God who protected Rahab protects you and me. The same nature and character of God to move towards Rahab, the prostitute, the outsider, the foreigner who saves the lives of the Israelite spies moves towards you and me. 

The real question is do we trust Him? Do we trust His promises? Do we trust Him to be faithful?Rahab did. Even when her whole world was literally falling around her she trusted and believed...and she was spared, she was chosen, she was honored for her faith. 

Do you trust Him to be faithful? 

Do you trust Him to keep His word? 

To keep His promises? 

Do you trust Him? 

He is forever whispering, "Do you trust me?"

-Authentically Me

A New Chapter

A new chapter has begun. For the longest time, nearly eight years, there was a rhythm to my authentic life. A three bound cord that held me in place. A strong cord that consisted of me and my two best friends. Two women, two different, two amazing, two wise, two grounded, two leading, two captivating, two loving sisters that I have the pleasure and joy to walk through life with. These sisters have seen it all, bared it all, loved it all and no words can express the depth of security these two women bring to my life. They are the constant in a changing world. But--a new chapter began yesterday. 

An expected chapter, an awaited hope, a promise kept, a prayer answered enveloped are three lives as one made the journey from Miss to Mrs, from sisterhood to wifehood. She is the first of our little trio to bravely with abounding joy enter the covenant of marriage. 

Change, although unavoidable, is never easy. It means altering, it means moving from one place to the next. This can be physically moving from point A to point B, this can mean transitioning from one emotional state to the next, this can be improving, growing, however more so than anything change is refining. Change refines us into a more grounded, more holistic, more authentic person. Although I am not a fan of change and never have been, I find that I can only see my true colors through its process. The good, bad, ugly--it's all there but there is also perseverance, courage, resilience, surrender, lasting hope, and joy. These last six months have been one change after the next. Moving, going to school, starting jobs, diagnoses, engagements, marriages...LIFE is happening all around me...and although it is CRAZY it is GOOD. 

There was a finality to this weekend, a small finality to a chapter closing and a beautiful new one opening. The honest truth is that this weekend, this marriage, is about living life together. Up until now, it was just my friend, her friends, our friends joined together simply living life as authentically us. Yesterday, we all got to welcome a new person into this authentic life and it will be an adventure as we go through this crazy life together! 

-Authentically Me

Authentically Who???

There comes a time in every young person's life where they must decide whether or not to completely freak out. All jokes aside it's a real thing. Ask any 20-something out there and they'll tell you. Scout's honor.

Watch any show about this decade of life and one pure daunting theme is found amongst them all--personal identity. The greatest quest --to find oneself. Oneself, in our current culture, being predominately defined and summarized by a job, a significant other, what power or authority you have, where you live, what you live in, financial security...the list goes on and on.

The crazy part is that some people seem to have it all. The great job, the cool apartment, the good looking significant other, the beauty, the brains, have money will travel. From any vantage point they have the life you want. From any angle they are who you want to be.

But what about the rest of us? What about the outsiders What about the ones who have yet to figure it out or even worse the ones who seem to have lost ourselves along the way? How do we get back on track? How do we do better? How do we be better? More and more resources are detailing the easy steps to living a self-fulfilled life. More than at any point in human history we predominately have the knowledge and the tools at our fingertips to live the life we want to live.

Then why don't we? Why are we so unhappy? Why are we so discontent? Why do we do the things we hate? Why can we not achieve our goals? It's the first week of January and I'm sure half of the world has probably already broken their New Year's resolution (maybe an exaggeration but it's probably a high number).

The truth is we truly have lost sight of ourselves, our real selves, our authentic selves. If this were a cartoon some little cute animal with a snarky face would be popping, rather loudly, the dream bubble over the main character's head. Our entire focus and energy is set on attaining the unattainable. We've somehow deluded ourselves into believing we actually can, and more dangerously should, have it all and be all. It's exhausting, it's depressing, and it's got to stop.

Authentically Me cannot and is not designed to be Authentically You. Authentically You is not designed to be Authentically Me. That is why I need you, and you need me. If we lose sight of this our entire worlds begin to become Authentically Who??? Further more, for all the recovering type-A's and perfectionists, Authentically You is not Unrealistically You.

This is not a shout out to live life un-purposefully or without goals, to be lazy or un-motivated, rather it is the opposite. This is a shout out, a deep desire, for us all to begin being purposeful, to have goals, to be motivated, to be active all within the context of who we truly and authentically are. Authentikos means in congruence, in perfect unity with, the origin. It's no wonder we are struggling to be ourselves, to know what we want, to do what we want, when we are constricting ourselves within the confines of someone else's life or rather someone else's body.

How would are lives be different, how would we be different, how confident would we be if we chose to live life in congruence with who we really are? How would things be different if we chose it, were actually proud of it because we knew that we were unique, we were carefully designed and refined to be that authentic self?

Where does this journey from Authentically Who to Authentically You begin? It begins with grace. If you chose to give more grace to yourself each day what kind of life would you live? If we chose to give more grace to each other what kind of world would we share?

-Authentically Me

Feel In The Blank

This one is for all those who feel (Fill In The Blank) this time of year.

It seems to me more and more these days that life is on a constant repeat. Another Thanksgiving, another Black Friday, soon it'll be another Christmas Eve, Christmas, another New Year, another Valentine's day. We've officially started the holiday marathon that only rounds out on St. Patty's day. Each year bringing the same holidays, the same dinners, the same parties, the same shopping days, the same plans, the same, the same, the same, bringing with it a numbing sensation that is ever-pressing.

More and more we are forcing ourselves to simply take a deep breath and just get through it. Get through exams, get through the final projects, get through the holidays, get through the madness, just get through it, please Lord, just help me get to the other side of (Fill In The Blank). 

When did we let ourselves rationalize, justify, and believe that this is really living? When did we let ourselves stop being (Fill In The Blank) or rather stop letting ourselves (Feel In The Blank)?

This time of the season is magical and if you are not careful you just might miss it. Magic is rare, magical moments are even more rare. Don't let this (Fill In The Blank) season make you forget that. If you're happy be happy. If you're sad let yourself be sad. If you're alone...well let yourself feel lonely. If you're in love be in love. If you're (Fill In The Blank), let yourself be (Fill In The Blank). 

Numbing life just to get from point A to point B will get you nowhere. Shutting down all (Fill In The Blank) won't get you anywhere. Life is too short, too precious, too magical to be spending it weighed down by (Fill In The Blank). Take the time and choose to accept (Fill In The Blank), to acknowledge (Fill In The Blank), and allow yourself to find freedom in (Fill In The Blank). 

We have to allow yourselves to feel, to feel all that is in the blank spaces, for if we don't I am afraid we will soon regret having felt anything at all. Regretting feeling, regretting experiencing is regretting being human. Being human being authentically human is too magical to simply be wished away.

If I could wish anything for authentically you this magical season it would be to:
Accept (Fill In The Blank).
Cherish (Fill In The Blank).
Forgive (Fill In The Blank).
Enjoy (Fill In The Blank).
Thank (Fill In The Blank).
Remember (Fill In The Blank).
Allow (Fill In The Blank).
Choose (Fill In The Blank).
Honor (Fill In The Blank).
and Love, oh love, (Fill In The Blank).

-Authentically Me